The Riverside Blog

A few more Community Blogs

2010-02-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

Here is Jill Peel's Blog

Rachel Blazer's

and Kim Janous'

In the meantime

2010-02-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

We are sort of shutting down the Riverside Blog.

But, we would like to direct you to... essentially the same thing: blogs by Riverside folk.

For this week I would encourage you to peruse Greta's Blog, and Linz Merrill's Blog (the name of which I did not actually get for the first year I read her blog... don't know why, made me question my abilities with English...).

Anyway, hope you enjoy, if you have a link I should put up please throw up a comment. (throw down a comment?)

The Biblical Waltz

2010-01-12T10:39:00.000-08:00

This coming Sunday we are beginning a four-part series on grace.

I threw this link up for 3 reasons - 1. It is funny. 2. The 10 Commandments are a great example of the Biblical Waltz 3. This video is a great example of why and how we miss the actual steps.

Exodus is a fantastic picture of the way God works: He graciously saves (Exodus 1-18), he reminds of the saving and asks for participation/reception of Him as the savior (Exodus 19), then he describes what that participation will look like (Exodus 20). God says (in this video), "I am the LORD, commanding you to obey my law..."

Its funny right?

But, it isn't what happened.

While Mel Brooks' rendition is certainly worthy of oscar consideration, the story doesn't represent the real story!

The 10 Commandments are a rule I have to follow so God will love me, they make me happy because now I know what to do. The 10 Commandments are annoying, because rules are annoying; I am fine in Christ, I'm going to Heaven, you're a legalist if you try and impose these 'rules on me'.

There is a third way... I hope to see you Sunday. Incidentally, God didn't call them rules.

-Matt Blazer

Stolen From Twitter

2009-12-30T13:31:00.000-08:00

This is a great way of thinking about your devotional life in 2010. If it doesn't sound like you, or seems overly rigid (or lax) keep reading. There is the right amount of encouragement towards flexibility and the right amount of suck-it-up-juice implied.

Enjoy.

Jesusland

2009-12-28T12:27:00.000-08:00

Many a Ben Fold's song is much to linguistically vulgar for me to post the lyrics here, but his music has always made me think. Ben is a bit of a cynic...okay, I don't know if the man believes in anything. But, I think he makes a good point about the hypocrisy and divides we find in this "Christian" nation. Take a look.

Take a walk
out the gate you go and never stop
past all the stores and wig shops
quarter in a cup for every block
and watch the buildings grow
smaller as you go

Down the tracks
beautiful McMansions on a hill
that overlook a highway
with riverboat casinos and you still
have yet to see a soul

Jesusland
Jesusland

Town to town
broadcast to each house, they drop your name
but no one knows your face
Billboards quoting things you'd never say
you hang your head and pray

for Jesusland
Jesusland

Miles and miles
and the sun goin' down
Pulses glow
from their homes
You're not alone
Lights come on
as you lay your weary head on their lawn

Parking lots
cracked and growing grass you see it all
from offices to farms
crosses flying high above the malls
A longer walk

through Jesusland
Jesusland

-Natalie

Post-Sermon Blog: Wilderness

2009-12-21T07:01:00.000-08:00

I spent all afternoon semi-consciously thinking through what I wanted to say about John the Baptist, and the importance of his personal life before God (supposed to be Main Point 2 :) .

John spent significant time in the wilderness as a boy; one pastor said he essentially skipped adolescence through his wilderness time. He was also full of the Spirit - which means his mind and affections were set upon the LORD (this plays out in different ways throughout the Bible). The two go hand in hand, and the result was a courageous man (not boy, or guy).

Because John went to the wilderness, he knew who he was before God. This prepared him to be able to worship his younger cousin - another Jewish man. John's time in the wilderness gave him courage to call the religious leaders of the day "vipers", to call the military people who came to him 'cowards' (read between the lines of "stop extorting people with threats in Luke 3), and to call the local mayor a sinner who should publicly repent (not call a press conference and do everything but repent).

I will leave it up to you to determine how to get to the wilderness yourself - be it metaphor or literal. But, if you're like me it would encourage your heart as a man (or woman), husband (or wife), friend, son (or daughter), employee, and simply as a human being - to know who you are before Christ. I pray that you will enter the Holidays full of the knowledge of who you are in Christ (For John he began with who he was in God, and moved to who he was in Christ!). I pray also that this knowledge will give you the courage to relate to your family, engage the inevitable loneliness of the holidays, and move forward in love to those around you.

Merry Christmas; hope to see you at the Christmas Eve Service.

Yours,
Matt Blazer

Top Ten Reasons you should come to the Riverside Gallery

2009-12-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

10. Everything is priced at 60 or under
9. Food/Beverages are free (and good)
8. It makes you more sensitive if part of your date involved your support of a local non-profit Art Gallery
7. It makes you cooler if part of your Friday Night plans involved your support of a local non-profit Gallery (try using this line in conversation, "Yeah, let's go there, but first we should all stop by this non-profit Art Gallery and have a drink..."). How can you possibly lose?
6. The artists are very talented
5. Mary is one of the artists... If you're from Riverside, you love Mary and want to support her :)
4. It is an entertaining show: ceramics, headbands made of wire (or something), small photos and prints of paintings, birds talking to each other...
3. A blog has never really effected any kind of change to your life or schedule. UNTIL NOW!! MWA...
2. Your Friday Night plans are neither that good nor that intact...
1. You need AT LEAST one more Christmas Present for someone

-Yours,
Matt Blazer; Curator

curator |ˈkyoŏrˌātər; kyoŏˈrātər; ˈkyoŏrətər|
noun: a keeper or custodian of a museum or other collection.
Derivatives
curatorial: adjective
curatorship: noun
Origin: late Middle English (denoting an ecclesiastical pastor, also (still a Scots legal term) the guardian of a minor): from Old French curateur or, in later use, directly from Latin curator, from curare (see cure ). The current sense dates from the mid 17th century.

Theology Thursday: Christmas Discussion

2009-12-17T08:37:00.000-08:00

Bob: The Christmas holiday is slowly creeping into my soul, but there is one nagging question that I have dismissed as unimportant, but I would still feel good to have an answer. December 25...It is officially Christmas Day, but I'm not sure how to take this day. Is it an actual date or an observed date? It would be great to believe that it is an actual day, but calendars throughout time have changed, and lunar cycles change, so I'm left with a sense that the day doesn't matter as much as the season and the events that are celebrated. I feel like I need more information about this question, so I can put it to bed forever.

Short Video of the History of Christmas

Matt: I think what we run into with Christmas (and many other dates/holidays) are a combination of celebrations - syncretism religiously, genius-marketing culturally. It seems to me that Christian holidays arouse a lot of ire (of course, as a pastor I MIGHT be more sensitive), and I think it is because we forget to highlight the focus. Very few people/scholars will dispute that Jesus of Nazareth existed, but an equal few actually live their lives feeling the weight of his (supposed) resurrection. Meaning: the Bible doesn't really get into Christmas the way we do, but if we are confident of the resurrection (and then, the atonement and so forth) then we celebrate the fact that God got personally involved. Then we are left - as individuals, families, churches - to choose what we celebrate and how; the focus being that God chose to get involved (Ryan A. quote), and then the rest being fun, old traditions.

A Decade of music - Retrospective

2009-12-14T11:52:00.000-08:00

As this is kind of, but not technically, the end of the decade I find myself confronted with all kinds of lists. There is no such thing as a perfect list, they are all terribly subjective, and I try to avoid strong opinions of subjective material in these parts. Not today. The following list is the albums from each year of the 00’s that represents that year in music to me the most. I am not pretending to post the best album; I am focusing more on their staying power with me and their effects on me and other culture. The basic test is what is the number 1 record I think of when I think of that year. Since I know next to nothing about mainstream pop this list is almost completely devoid of it. My hope in this is to either peak your interest in something you missed last decade, or remind you of something that you will want to listen to again. Here goes nothing…

2000: Radiohead, Kid A
This is an album of desolation, mourning and, in my opinion, it expanded the boundaries of what pop music can be. This is a concept album, it isn’t for the faint of heart, it is difficult, but it is as close to perfect as recorded music can be. It is my record of the decade.
Honorable mention: Modest Mouse, The Moon and Antarctica.

2001: The Strokes, Is This It
I really wanted to dislike this album. I tried hard to but it is infectious, especially as I am farther removed from the hype. It is tight, lean, and a great pop record.
Honorable mention: Oh Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack

2002: Coldplay, A Rush of Blood to the Head
I personally consider this the last good Coldplay album. I know that will bother some of the readers so I won’t go further into that. All I need to say about this record is that it was featured prominently in my wedding. Songs like Clocks and The Scientist were instant classics. When I think of this record I think of my wife – I think sappy thoughts, Coldplay is a sappy band, 2002 was a sappy year for me.
Honorable mention: There is a lot to choose from here, in the interest of mass appeal I choose Wilco: Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

2003: The Shins, Chutes Too Narrow
One indie-pop gem after another. The only negative is that it lasts less that thirty minutes. This album is irresistible, the lyrics are great and the guitar lines are better.
Honorable mention: The Postal Service, Give Up

2004: The Arcade Fire, Funeral
If not for my irrational Radiohead fandom this would be my record of the decade. Alas, it must take a photo-finish second place in my book. The theme seems to begin with escapism, the desire to flee our Neighborhood in our youth and then the desire to return to it, and its security, when we reach adulthood. This album combines grief, pain, and failure with hope and love. In other words, it is a picture of the Gospel. If you haven’t listened to this yet, and you care about music, do it now.
Honorable mention: TV on the Radio, Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes

2005: Sufjan Stevens, Illinois
This album features glorious melodies and countermelodies grounded in actual locations and true stories. Stevens writes about people in incredibly insightful ways. Who else could make the mind of a serial killer seem relatable?
Honorable mention: Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary.

2006: Band of Horses, Everything All the Time
2006 was the most difficult year for me on this list. Unless I am missing something, which is highly likely, not much came out this year that has really stuck. It could be that I started law school this year and thus hardly listened to any music. Anyway, this record is a compilation of a bunch of lonely rock songs. It is good, but forgettable – like all of 2006 for me.
Honorable mention: Phoenix, It’s Never Been Like That

2007: Feist, The Reminder
The Reminder is my daughter’s favorite album to dance to. Though it was almost ruined by Ipod commercials, 1-2-3-4 is still great. Beyond that, it is an incredibly deep album. It is a very complicated record anchored by Leslie Feist’s brilliant vocals. In stark contrast to the previous year, this was a great year for music. This one edged out the rest for me due to its family friendliness, but just barely.
Honorable mentions (multiple just for this year): The National, Boxer; Radiohead, In Rainbows; M.I.A., Kala; Spoon, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga; Arcade Fire, Neon Bible

2008: Fleet Foxes, Fleet Foxes
It took me a long time to get this one. It is the perfect music to make pancakes to on Saturday morning. It feels right. The harmonies are great, and the influences come from all over the place; Folk, indie rock, jam bands, the beach boys…you name it.
Honorable Mention: Frightened Rabbit, Midnight Organ Fight

2009: Grizzly Bear, Veckatimest
This is one meticulous record. Grizzly Bear is a band devoted to the craft and it shows here in a huge way. It isn’t for everyone, it is labor intensive for the listener, however a little work and patience pays off. This is the number three record of the decade in my opinion. This is a must listen for anyone that takes music seriously. If you don’t, stay away.
Honorable mention: Phoenix, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

I hope this list helps you find, or rediscover something. I would love to read your favorites of the decade in the comments or by e-mail.

- jason

Being Without Tools

2009-12-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

The Google Reader can be a fantastic tool aggregating information that you would normally have no time to get around to reading, but it can also bring to the surface some odd information that you wish that you wouldn't have been subjected to. This has happened before, but the latest piece of information was called, "why do you believe in God?" It is a pamphlet created in 2005 by someone named Jason Curry that is associated with the humanist society in New Zealand. See what I mean about the Google reader phenomenon about never looking for things, but always finding them. There is no way that I go looking for this document, but now I have to mentally do something with it. This pamphlet is a slick piece of orgranization and layout, and it walks through a number of "issues" with Christian beliefs. I read through some of it, and I realized that I had no answers to any of these things. It made me want to be a Christian scholar or more grounded in my faith. It scared me to have no answers to these questions. After shifting from a very passive religious upbringing to a more active Christian, it has become clear that I have a lot of work to do, and I have hoping that in this season of giving that I can share my gifts with many of you as you share some of your answers with me.

-Bob Dillon

Don't ignore the ordinary: A poem

2009-12-07T14:25:00.000-08:00

Our Work

The place He gives us to inhabit.

The few things He gives us to do in that place.

The persons He invites us to know there.

These our days

until He returns.

It is enough then,

this old work of hands

His and ours

to love here

to learn our song,

like crickets that scratch

and croon,

from nooks unseen,

carrying on with

what they were made for,

the night songs of

unnoticed faces,

with our wings unobserved,

until He walks again

in the cool of the day,

to call our names once more.

And we then,

with our stitched white flags,

will with haste from behind His evergreens

finally unhide ourselves.

Unblushed and eager to walk leisurely on.

(Zack Eswine, 2009)

Living without identity

2009-12-04T13:39:00.000-08:00

Two incidents recently have reminded me that though I'm in a huge pool of white, male Christians, there is a lack of identity that goes with these parts of who I am. I often represent as friend, father, husband, and principal long before I think about my whiteness or my Christian identity. There is a sense that our culture in many ways supports these other identities, and only through personal efforts are the others a true part of my identity.

How did I get to this point?

I was watching the movie Taking Chance. It is a great movie, and there is a scene in the movie where Kevin Bacon is looking at a set of dogtags from a fallen soldier, and the dogtags have the name, rank, serial number, and claimed religion of the soldier. This took me by surprise. I didn't realize that our soldiers wore their religious identity around their necks. As I thought about this, I concluded that this information was listed mostly to provide Jewish and Muslim soldiers with their specific religious needs if killed, captured or incapacitated. I was wondering if the term Christian was on the dogtags for any reason. Did it mean anything to the Army that they had a Christian identity?

The second part of this comes of the data that I examine daily in my role as a middle school principal. We spent a lot of time looking at important acheivement data, and we spent a huge amount of this time looking at subgroup and minority achievement. I can say with certainty that in the ten years that I have served as assistant principal, there has maybe been 5 times that we have ever talked about white achievement scores. There is a saying in business and education that if you don't measure it, it doesn't matter. I don't know if I believe this phrase, but it does limit our ability to think about whiteness and what having identifying as white means.

We should all have pride in who we are, not in an arrogant limiting way, but in a way that allows us to be strengthened by our identity. I struggle at times to have pride in being a white, Christian male. I wonder if I am alone in this....

-Dr. Robert Dillon

Waiting and Comfort

2009-12-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm a bit late on this post (Bum finger. See below); many apologies. "Late's better than never, right?" Alas, you'll be the judge of that...

This past Sunday began the season known as Advent, or more commonly called Christmas time, or in the retail world: "The month that will make-or-break us this year." Advent simply means "a coming to," and Christians ponder and celebrate God's "coming to us" during this time of year. As I wondered about preparing my heart for this season, I've been reflecting on a few things.

1. The above Rembrandt painting has been very helpful. Here, Simeon (of whom we spoke on Sunday), stands in awe as he cradles the Lord's Christ. Simeon had been promised that he would not see death until he gazed at The One Through Whom God Would Make Everything Right. What would all the days have been like up until that day of release at the Temple? Rembrandt captured the old man's face and hands perfectly. Awe and wonder in the eyes and mouth, and feeble hands that would not dare drop this Little One. To know of Simeon means to know of his waiting and the vindicating comfort he found as the Baby wiggled in his now-strained arms. Christmas is for those who have (and still are) waited on the kind guarantees of God. The expectant know it best.

2. I broke my finger on Thanksgiving. And there is nothing I can do about it except wait. I can't make the osteoblasts work faster as they repair what is fractured. I don't like this posture of waiting. It reminds me that I loathe my limits and the "draught of Control" goes down nicely. "Simeon, you trouble me."

3. Lastly, I don't want to be 'that guy' that takes to task the current, cultural 'air' (both secular and ecclesial) surrounding Christmas. But, I do (kindly, humbly, and genuinely) ask, "What makes Christmas so joyful in the first place?" More stuff(ing)? The Arrival of a fire insurance policy? Don't get me wrong: Gifts are good and Jesus saving you from your sins is both necessary and true. But Simeon was waiting for something much bigger: the World, at last, being put to rights (you can listen to the sermon for more). God, finally, rent time and space like wet toilet paper to rescue a Pining Bride and mend what faded in the Garden.

Watts' Joy to the World only 'sings' when Brooks' "hopes and fears of all the years" are known deep down. I'm seeking to know this and look forward to the Second Christmas. If you're waiting like this, you've got something to teach me.

Pop Poetry - Pink

2009-11-30T20:10:00.000-08:00

It seems to me that Pink has always made it a point to be honest with her lyrics, and I appreciate that - especially in the world of pop music. In her latest album, Funhouse, Pink deals with many demons and processes emotions from her divorce. The reason I'm featuring two of her songs today is that I think there is something important for us to hear in her lyrics.

In Please Don't Leave Me I hear the fear and vulnerability that comes with my human attempt at unconditional love. I can't understand why the people that I love the most are usually the people that I can be the harshest with. It's scary. It's scary to see the darkest parts of my heart exposed when I let my anger get the best of me. It's scary to think that when the people I love see that darkness, they might want to leave.

God tells me, "I will never leave you or forsake you" (Josh 1:5) It is only when I am walking in the truth of God's unfailing and unchanging love that I can love others well and accept His grace and healing for the darkest places in my heart.

Pink – Please Don’t Leave Me

I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many time I've kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
But my heart is broken

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise

Please don't leave me
Oh please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry

Please, please don't leave me
Baby please don't leave me
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me no no no

I always say that I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back
Please, don't leave me

Baby, please, please don't leave me

Sober brings me face to face with the vices in my life; the things that I run to for comfort, for distraction, for temporary peace. Pink sings about being the girl she doesn't want to be, and trying to figure out how the better side can win. It reminds me of when Paul said, "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. (Romans 7:15-20)

Pink - Sober

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning
'Cuz I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

The sun is blinding
I stayed up again
I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside
You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
To cry it scares me cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
I won't remember, save your breath, 'cuz what's the use?

The night is calling
And it whispers to me softly come and play
I am falling
And If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

Coming down, coming down, coming down
Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round
Looking for myself
Sober

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just trying to find a friend

I'm safe Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside
You're like perfection
How do I feel this good sober

So, Pink as poetry. Think it's a stretch?
-Natalie

Pop Poetry V6

2009-11-24T06:44:00.000-08:00

I think these lyrics are all I need to post this time. What do they stir in you? Natalie

Laughing With - Regina Spektor

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet

No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken

No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood

*Chorus*
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got
And they don’t know what for

No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one’s laughing at God when they’re saying their goodbyes
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughing at God in hospital
No one’s laughing at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God when they’re starving or freezing or so very
poor

No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
We’re all laughing with God

Happy Meal

2009-11-23T06:23:00.000-08:00

My older two children were toddlers at the time. We chose the drive-thru of their favorite place for lunch. The box was colorful. A gift wrapped for each child. It was like Christmas. Inside there was food. But food was not the reason for their excitement. We sat expectant because we knew that toys waited. Time after time in this drive-thru each lunch brought a new toy.

But not this time. Faces shone. Little hands pulled out the food in haste and scattered fries and nuggets on the seat and dangling toward the floor. Toddler eyes called for back-up and entered every corner and nook of that box. But the box was empty. All the gift offered was food.

I looked at the drive-thru lady. She shrugged her shoulders. With a great deal of empathy she said, "We're all out of toys today." Grimace shadowed my countenance. I looked back at these little ones and bravely spoke the words. "I'm sorry guys, there is no toy today."

Tears trickled at first. And then like waters charging a dam, cries burst out and flooded the car. We sat there unhappy with our meal. We had to face the day with no toy.

My IPOD and my saxophone

2009-11-17T12:11:00.000-08:00

I found this article by Christianity Today's Andy Crouch to be a subtle and powerful explanation of the way our culture thinks about music.

He says this, "There is a big difference between playing a CD and playing a fugue. One is instantly rewarding, the other takes time and patience. One satisfies, the other requires a sacrifice. One is godlike—Yo-Yo Ma or Radiohead play flawlessly at your command—while the other reminds you just how small a creature you are. One is a purchase, the other is a practice."

To Read More...

Does this apply to you?

Thoughts?

Discuss...

Content

2009-11-16T18:58:00.000-08:00

A new Ipod "Classic" has 160gb of storage. That is astounding to me. Apple claims that it can store 40,000 songs. That number is a little dubious as those songs would have to be awfully short to fit and you really only get 148gb of storage, so lets call it 30,000 songs or so. By my calculation, legally purchasing this many songs would run you around $29,700.00. Of course this is a bit of an exaggerated figure as there are sales, there is free content like podcasts, etc. but the point remains that the amount of data most of us can fairly easily afford to store on a portable device is far in excess of the amount of data we can afford to put on that device.

This puts people like myself in an awkward position. I have a gigantic appetite for both new music and old music that I haven't purchased yet. I have a device that can hold more than I can think of in my pocket, and then there is a massive wall of temptation barrelling down on me.

In the first five years of Itunes' existence it sold six billion songs. That sounds like a lot, however B ill Wyman (of NPR and Salon.com noteriety) quickly shows what a small number that is. He tracked some popular torrent sites. In particular he showed that one Beatles Torrent, which contained 300 songs was downloaded 20,000 times in just five days. That means that six million songs were downloaded illegally, from one file, of one band, in five days. That is 1% of the songs that Itunes has sold in five years. Thus, when you extrapolate that out to all the existing music ever produced, it is obvious that illegal downloads dwarf legal, and paid for, ones.

Does the fact that "everyone" is doing it negate the fact that it is wanton copyright infringement and therefore illegal? No. Does it make it a lot easier to justify? You bet. I justify it in my head by saying that I will see the band live, or I will purchase it later, but even if I actually followed through with that, would it make it ok? Stealing is stealing...isn't it?

This is one of the topics I hope to talk about at On Tap, Thursday, 7-9 at Llywelyn's Pub. I hope you will join us and discuss your views on this and other music related topics. Don't worry, we won't take your full names in case someone from the RIAA is present.

- jason

license, legalism and holiness

2009-11-14T06:23:00.000-08:00

Three persons stood before God.

The first stood somber and began to recite the Ten Commandments.

The Second laughed, rolled his eyes and offered God a Rated-R DVD and a Budweiser.

At this, the first burst into outrage. “I thank God I’m not like you,” she shouted. She pulled out a rated PG movie and a Diet Coke to give to God. Then, She began to stomp her feet and shout “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord!”

Amid the shouting and the stomping, the second lit a cigar. “Hell, I thank God I’m not like you,” he stated. He offered God the Cigar. “Gracious, Gracious, Gracious is the Lord!” he repeated.

As the first and the second jostled with each other for whose gift God would receive, they did not notice that God had left them. Some time ago he had stood up amid the noise, and walked toward the third person, who at some distance was laying sorrowful, faithful, waiting with nose to the ground, hands empty, fearing, longing.

God bent down. He reached and touched. He lifted the third one’s head. Their eyes met. Joy rested there, while the first two barked on in His absence; one with her soda, the other with his shot glass and both of them stomping on.

Parenting Page: Pursuit

2009-11-12T11:50:00.000-08:00

This has been a rough year for Caroline, our 3 and a half year old. I was sick from March though August, Julia has started walking :), and now I am working full time. When school was the dominant part of my time I would often sacrifice an A for a B in order to make sure I got good time with my girls. With work it is entirely different, and I am simply gone from the house more (and I cannot do work at night in my basement like i could with school... I did make some A's in Seminary :) ).

So, when I go home today there is a good chance Caroline will say (in a half-yell), "No, Daddy (BURN-E/Fillmore the Bus/Terrence /Eric) go in the dining room..." Or, "Don't Come in". The only thing that has been harder as a parent (for me) is when she didn't want to talk with Rachel after Julia was born.

I have learned to pursue my daughter through this. She will almost always relent to being chased. I have to be careful to chase in such a way that she doesn't get to run directly to Mommy, but I can almost always convince her that chasing is good. Caroline is a sucker for being thrown up in the air. It is rare that she doesn't like it, or being swung around. Julia is a different story, she has her mother's issues with motion. But Julia also runs to me when I get home.

I am not a great pursuer in some relationships, but I do know how to pursue Caroline. When I was sick I would pray for the energy to chase her. Now I have it, and I so easily forget! It means so much to her heart when we do it. There are a lot of analogies there, about God, about parents, and about love. But, the purpose of this post is to simply encourage you to pursue your child this afternoon or evening. You were probably going to anyway. If you do not have children, pursue a good friend - call them, and begin with obvious excitement if you get them on the phone (this is adult chasing maybe?). Have a good Wednesday.

-Matt Blazer

Better than Pop, this is Patty Griffin!

2009-11-11T08:02:00.000-08:00

Patty Griffin is by far my absolute favorite singer song writer I have ever come across. She's like a female Bob Dylan that can actually sing. Love her lyrics, love her melodies, love her arrangements...LOVE her!

Today I'm featuring a song off of her first album, Living With Ghosts. This song gripped me the first time I heard it and has never let go. Patty is an incredible story teller in her songs. Here she embodies the child of a "poor man." For me, the song captures hauntingly what it is to be below the poverty level, and in a way it transcends a place, and solely pictures a situation.

"Poor Man's House"

You know you've done enough when every bone is sore
You know you've prayed enough when you don't ask any more
You know you're coming to some kind of understanding
When every dream you've dreamed has passed and you're still standing
Mama says god tends to every little skinny sheep
So count your ribs and say your prayers and get to sleep
Nothing is louder to god's ears than a poor mans sorrow
Daddy is poor today and he will be poor tomorrow

Hey that's the poor man's house
Everybody get a look at the poor man's house
Everywhere they went before must have turned them out
And now they're living in a poor man's house

There's nothing like poverty to get you into heaven
They got a lot of wine and fish up there
And the bread's unleavened
They got a lot of ears that heard a whip go crack
Lots of missing toes and fingers and scars upon their backs
Daddy's been working too much for days and days and doesn't eat
He never says much but I think this time it's got a meaning
It isn't that he isn't strong or kind or clever
Your daddy's poor today And he'll be poor forever

Hey that's the poor man's house
Those kids are living in a poor man's house
They walk to school with the soles of their shoes worn out
And come home in the evening to the poor man's house

What are you chopping that wood for
Why are you growing that corn
Mama's sewing a brand new shirt and
You're wearing the one that's torn
I guess it's for some one else's kid who wasn't born
In a poor man's house

Hey take a look at that house
Everybody we're living in a poor man's house
Seems like everywhere we go they find us out
Find out that we've been living in a poor man's house

I think the reason the songs chills me to the core is the lack of real hope. Part of that is reality, as far as their monetary condition is concerned. But she's right, the sorrow of a poor man is definitely heard by God.

Psalm 31:6
Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy.

James 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Ancient Paths for the Soul

2009-11-08T18:12:00.001-08:00

I remember the path I took every morning toward Saint Anthony Elementary. I was a boy who rain or shine, walked to school. Marshall Avenue was my road. Just across from the Methodist Church yard at Bowne Avenue, several small apartments formed a huddle every morning on the right. If a boy had the courage he could turn strategically from the road into that strange bunch. He could walk into a run if need be while passing the mutterings of apartment doors ready to open or rustlings from within waiting to shout. For just beyond the legs of the last apartment stood a row of trees. And if you knew where to look for it, a path waited expectantly ready to say, “This is the way walk in it.” A field, open and secure was the reward for such courage. Just beyond that field the Saint Anthony Playground waited. It was as if each new dawn spoke to me, saying, “Step off of the road, boy. Take the path and you’ll have minutes more to play before school.”

I'm not a boy anymore. By coming to terms with that fact, I am not stating that my hankering for a good path is diminished. Its just that I need paths that possess the capacity to rest my soul amid this restless wrangling of days. I'm trying to figure out how to get from here to there intellectually, emotionally, daily in such a way that my interior life remains whole and strong. Jesus points me to Eden, to the Prodigal and to home. He bids me consider the three paths of solitude, hospitality and wisdom on which to travel and find with Him my way. Meanwhile, a man selling paths whistles at me. "Hey man" he says. "I got the goods you want." "What are you peddling now?" I say. "I got plenty of celebrity" he says. "Immediately a crowd forms to clap for me, a woman calls her eyes to flirt with me. "I know you like applause" he continues "and attention." (A spotlight then shines on me, a band starts to play). Then he adds, "I also got some good productivity and immediate gratification for you too." "You can stay busy, give people constant product and never have to wait for anything. Hell, you won't have any more boredom, no more reflection, only work, buzz and appreciation." Everyone cheers, some reach to shake my hand, others begin to flatter me with how awesome they think I am.

"What will it cost me?" I inquire. The music gets louder. "A restful soul" he shouts. "But no worries man, I've known lots of people go almost their whole lives without a restful soul . . .and they don't seem to mind at all."

Bad Habits and Busyness

2009-11-04T18:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my best friend called at 10:15 AM to tell me he was unexpectedly coming into town. I was in a meeting and told him I would call him back in 2 minutes. Needless to say I was excited to re-arrange my day so we could hang out. Today I got a call from a friend at about 4:00 PM wondering if I had hung out with Matt (my best friend). 30 hours later, and I had not yet remembered to call him back.

Eugene Peterson says that when he is busy it is for one of two reasons. 1 - He writes, "I am busy because I am vain... I am busy because I am lazy."

Vanity explained this way, "When others notice (me), they acknowledge my significance, and my vanity is fed."

Laziness explained this way, "By lazily abdicating the essential work of deciding (how it is best to spend our time)... other people do it for us... to stave off the disaster of disappointing someone."

Peterson is talking about pastors. But I think it applies to you. I miss my friend; he is recently married and I do now know his wife as well as I wish I did (she was here also). We did not get to have lunch/dinner/cigar/coffee/hugs/conversation because I struggle with vanity and laziness.

Thoughts???

Discuss...

-Matt Blazer

Joshua Tree

2009-11-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

Friday evening my wife and I listened to U2's Joshua Tree while preparing dinner. Because I was five years old when this album came out the U2 I am more familiar with is the one that makes spanish words up while selling Ipods. I am mixed on that U2, but the band that made Joshua True, October, and War is astounding (not exactly breaking any new ground here, I know).

I am not generally one to distinguish between Christian and non-Christian music, at least in that vast realm of gray in between "Amazing Grace" and "Me So Horny". But if I were to do so, this album would fall squarely on the Christian side, and I think I would nominate it as the best Christian album ever recorded. If there is a theme to the album I think that it would be longing. The song that drives the theme most clearly is "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" which boldly states: "I believe in the Kingdom Come/Then all the colors will bleed into one/But yes, I'm still running/You broke the bonds/You loosed the chains/You carried the cross and my shame/You know I believe it/But I still haven't found what I'm looking for." It is tempting for the more legalistic of us to take offense at that last part. In fact, a common question I read when travelling entirely too deep into message boards is how can Bono really believe that God will redeem the world, that Christ died for the world's sins, and still not have found what he is looking for? I suppose my answer to that question would be that he does it the same way all of us who call ourselves Christians should.

By God's grace I fully believe that he sent his Son to die for me and that one day the world will be redeemed, but in the meantime life can be so incredibly frustrating. I long for the day when my children won't cry, when my sin won't hurt those around me, when other's sin won't hurt me, when there is peace and when I don't have to watch my grandparents slowly die. That is what I am looking for, and I still haven't found it. That is frustrating, despite the fact that I know it will change someday, maybe even more so because of our awareness of the fall.

Next time you have had a long day or week I would recommend you throw this album on. It still sounds modern despite being 22 years old, and it expresses the deep rooted pain of our participation in this broken world in an honest and direct way while also fully acknowledging the miracle of our salvation and redemption.

- jason

What kind of life are we meant to do together?

2009-11-02T06:12:00.000-08:00

We are meant to do life together. To accept and pursue this purpose however, we must examine our assumptions.

What kind of togetherness are we meant to have? Localities are not often healed by gangs or clubs or networks of people who use their togetherness in order to loot neighbors and promote locked doors. A togetherness of meanness does not offer the hospitable grace our individual dignity warrants and requires.

A togetherness of misdirected tolerance doesn't suit us either however. It does no good for the child to tolerate her walking out into the street while cars are coming, even if that child really wants to. Even if that child will trantrum-cry if the baby-sitter should find the courage to say with all love and the experience of wisdom, "no." A togetherness of this kind of tolerance, is misguided because it celebrates disrespect to those who must endure it, as if the enduring one's are foolish about what is wise and hospitable, and implies that the tantrum-thrower possesses true wisdom. The wolfish one is allowed to roam free to bite and devour the rest.

A togetherness of meanness and a togetherness of misguided tolerance both have this one thing in common. They use community to demean or destroy persons, including themselves. These groups share geographical space but they know only the kind of togetherness that folly can provide.

Togetherness is meant to create a hospitable place for each individual to safely dismantle their folly and steadily find what is wise and good for their comings and goings. Folly is not meant to rule nor provide the entertainment for our evenings.

Jesus invites us into relationship with others. He leads us to do life together. But for togetherness to last, what kind of life must we do? His footsteps and teachings show us the way.

A Global Thing a Local Way

2009-10-26T05:15:00.000-07:00

A Global Thing a Local Way:

Two Poems

First Poem By Wendell Berry

There is a day

when the road neither comes nor goes

and the way is not a way

but a place.

Second Poem by Zack Eswine

Not knowing the names of trees

i walk among them.

The rustle of leaves giving space for wind,

offering place for rest,

making its case for home.

I, resisting,

Stare—

at them,

through them,

beyond them,

restless in my own progress.

Flesh and leaf,

the rootless and the rooted.

Unlike my people,

who have long known the names of trees

I, like a distant cousin

or pitied friend must attend

this family reunion

to which I am strange.

Strange because Eden’s familiarity

was snatched from the open

palms of the firstborn grandchild.

Or was it that my palms were dressed by fists

on the morning of school’s first day?

No matter, I have long outrun tables where

stories lived easy in the bodied rest

of conversation that spilled over into

“goodnight,” or “see you in the morning”—

Tilled over into sunrise hands and bloods

touching actual soils and roots.

Unaccustomed to this lingering

I am wrestled inward, exposed

amid a family of barks long surrendered to remaining.

Like the cool which illumines my breath

In snow-frosted woods

I see before my eyes a deep discontent.

It beckons a man to never be where he is.

I stare at the ground looking for roots.

Blog Theft: Joy in the Journey

2009-10-21T05:20:00.000-07:00

This blog entry is stolen from Kim's Blog about her family's endeavors with food:

I have little joy right now. One of the main reasons is because my boys have such little joy. Yesterday was a particularly hard morning. Tyler wouldn't talk to anyone (my dad and step-mom are here) and he was falling apart at everything. Grayson, too, was very fussy and melting at the drop of a hat. I made 5 new recipes yesterday and had a pretty bad stomach ache most of the afternoon.

The ironic thing is I started my morning out in God's Word with motivation to rely on God's strength and desire to "make it a good day." I read a devotional about finding joy in your relationship with God and I was struck by the opportunity I have to commune with him in the midst of this trial and struggle. But, I was impatient and crabby and moody and not pleasant to be around. Not exactly on the road to make it a good day.

But, then the afternoon came. My sweet dad came home with a precious little plaque as a surprise present for me. He could tell I needed something. And, my step-mom spent the rest of the afternoon/evening in the kitchen washing dishes as I dirtied them up. We put on music and danced and talked. Even if we were quiet, it was so wonderful just to have someone in the kitchen with me. I really found joy in the community of my family.

This morning I made the connection. I AM NOT ALONE. As I stand in the kitchen for hours, God is present. And, HE CARES. I often think this much life is so trivial that I can only commune with God on the big things. I read this from Oswald Chambers this morning:

"Wherever God has placed you and whatever your circumstances, you should pray, continually offering up prayers to Him. And He promises, "Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do . . ." (John 14:13 ). Yet we refuse to pray unless it thrills or excites us, which is the most intense form of spiritual selfishness. We must learn to work according to God’s direction, and He says to pray."

Pray. Commune with God. That is the end...not the means to the end. I get so focused on when we are going to all feel better, be healed. That is what I want to pray for...and I should pray for that but I can not let the healing be my love. Jesus is my love and it is possible to find joy in journeying with him.

-Kim Janous

House Group

2009-10-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

This is originally to be found on Greta's Blog

At our church we have these things called housegroups. They are basically a small group of people that get together about once a week and do various things. Our group has shared our life stories and now we are watching a series about the bible that takes us through the actual places where biblical events take place, amazingly NOT boring and each time I watch one I am astounded at the depth of the bible and how much there is to learn from it. Anyway, tonight after we got home from housegroup which my kids by the way LOVE, I was thinking about how opposite it is from the way that the world tells us we should live.

Let me explain what I mean. I think the world tells us to be self-sufficient, strong, independent and self-made. What we do in housegroup is become vulnerable, ask for prayer and help, share burdens, become intimate, create bonds and become other centered, we also laugh tons. When I get sad or angry I tend to isolate, numb myself with television and books, become quiet. Here is the thing about doing that, it prolongs the pain I am going through and harms my relationships with the people I love and care about. Housegroup is a hard place to hide out in and I love that. I am not saying that housegroup is all peaches and roses, it can be difficult. Fitting together a dozen different personalities not to mention their offspring can be quite tricky, feelings get hurt, communication through email can become quite ridiculous, misunderstandings abound- you get the picture. However I truly believe that God likes it like that. He wants us to learn, work through problems, grow and be challenged to call upon him. Me, alone watching Law and Order does not help me grow. Me in a room full of people does. I like living differently than the world tells me I should and I love raising my children to learn about living with people not just next door to them.

-Greta Coalier

The Child-like Source of Jesus' Neighbor Love

2009-10-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

Most of us have been loved with a mixture of the following kinds of categories:

1. Little room to grow. Mistakes are ultimate. Potential should be reached immediately.

2. Performance based acceptance. Do good and you are. Do bad and you are.

3. Left to ourselves to scrounge about with hit and miss regarding what is wise and what is foolish in the world.

4. Invitation to distance and superficiality instead of real intimacy

5. Unjustly punished or never rightly or lovingly corrected

We've experienced love in this way. This means we've been mentored to love in these ways. Our attempts at neighbor love are therefore saturated with these assumptions.

But in the mystery of the Trinity (one God, three persons), the Son experienced a very different kind love categories.

1. Though Jesus was the Messiah, He was given room to grow. He was allowed to be 2 before He was expected to be 12, 12 before He held the expectations of being 30. The Father did not rush the carpenter son. Timing mattered. (Luke 2:52)

2. The Father accepted the Son, spoke to the Son of His love and how pleasing the Son is to Him. Identity is based on intrinsic value and covenant. (Luke 3:21-22)

3. The Father taught the Son to discern the Father's voice. The Son was wisely prepared to recognize tempting voices when they came and to act accordingly. (Luke 4:1-13)

4. The Father heard the Son's heart. The Son poured out his Heart to the Father. (Luke 11:1ff; Hebrews 5:7)

5. The Father forsook the Son. (This is unique to Jesus. He bore what a rebellious child must bear when love finally says, "enough, you can have what you want even if it distances us and harms you). Jesus took what we warranted. His substitution (for those who deserve distance and punishment) and sympathy (for those undeservedly treated).

Perhaps Jesus loves his neighbors so well, because He himself in the fullness of his humanity was so loved.

His ways are not our ways.

Thanks be to God!

The TV "On Tap"

2009-10-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

Do you think it is our fault that Jon and Kate broke up? The last person I asked said, "Probably."

In the movie Contact aliens send an encrypted message from the star system Vega that does a few things. 1. It shows us an image of Hitler speaking, 2. It shows us how to build a machine to send someone to communicate with the aliens (Jodie Foster in this case, sorry Tom Skerritt).

The Hitler aspect is simply a reference to the 1936 Olympics and the first television signal strong enough to get into space. It is a little unnerving to think that that is the first "signal" we sent!

Tonight we are going to try and have a conversation about television at "On Tap". Where and when and why and how... What do the shows we watch say about us? It should be a fun discussion, and I hope you're able to join us.

Wait just a second there Professor: What I love about Office Space

2009-10-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

I often ask our blog authors to write about what it means to love the things they love and to be a Christian. I think it has been a helpful and difficult question for us. I remember the day I asked Jason, and I was struck by my own lack of answer as we talked about jazz. My wife and I watch Mad Men on Sunday Nights. I can go on and on about the acting, the conversations between Jon Hamm and John Slattery, etc. But, I had no idea what my affections with it have to do with faith in Jesus.

Fast Forward to this evening. I had a long day, and recently I have been piecing together one of my old favorite movies, Office Space, after everyone is in bed. The first time I watched Office Space I thought it was funny, but knew that I immediately wanted to watch it again and pay attention to things like body language and tone. I did; it was twice as funny. Please take three minutes to watch the Bobs and their faces (the corresponding scene with Bill Lumbergh is even funnier, "I'll handle this..."). I hope you laugh.

Tonight it dawned on me. As the hilarious scenes roll by, I realize I love watching because the actors in every scene are acknowledging the sheer absurdity of life. Someone owns it in every scene.

As a Christian I am daily struck by life as it is, life as it can get (bad), and life as I dream of it being/becoming. I feel powerless, but I am not. Some days I wish I were! In my conversations I wish I could be free like Peter Gibbons. But, his freedom is a kind of prison. The reason I know that is because I believe the Bible to be true, Jesus who he says he is, and the explanations of what it means to be human valuable, credible, and satisfying to my deepest being. And, because Peter and Michael forget to put the decimals in the right places.

Office Space is about many things - like most stories it is very much about character transformation. But, it is also an obnoxiously accurate commentary on many things about white middle class America. I don't want to think too much about that - I want to watch Office Space and laugh. But, I am aware that it reminds me of desires I have for myself, anxiety I have about the way the world and relationships work, and the incredible call of the Gospel to go into this world and affect reconciliation and peace. Some days I am like Peter - bumbling through my own character growth, some days like Tom Symkowski - "I had an idea once", and I'm sure some days I am like Michael Bolton, "Why should I change, he's the one who sucks".

Have a good Wednesday.

-Matt Blazer

Music Monday: On the Road

2009-10-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

My family just completed a road trip to Michigan, a seven hour drive. This road trip was unlike any I have taken before in that entirely different sounds emanated from the car’s speakers. The speakers that once loudly unfurled a wave of brain awakening rock and roll now eked out one corny children’s song after another, after another, after another. Monday, October 12, 2009. The day the music died.

It didn’t die completely though. My daughter likes Grizzly Bear, Phoenix, she likes some Radiohead, she likes Arcade Fire and Feist…she just likes Dora the Explorer more. Significantly more - much to my chagrin. Life is about compromises though, and seven hour roadtrips with two year olds even more so. Thus, I was left with a choice. I could try to block out the noise, play the sounds and thoughts I like in my head and have some peace. Or I could enter the fray, let go of my inhibitions and sing “The Wheels on the Bus” with my family while trying to do the motions without suffering a fatal automobile crash.
Yesterday I chose the latter. I don’t always. I wish I did more often.

I take a little bit of pride in considering myself a music snob, but I shouldn’t. I am simply hard to please. It isn’t just music either. My point is that there are many areas in my life that pride prevents me from fully participating with my family, with my community, with my church, and with God. I think that if you are honest with yourself you will find the same thing. It is so easy to come to the conclusion that a particular area of service in your community or church is simply not your gifting when in reality you are perfectly capable of the task at hand. It is for me at least.

The platitude says “The heart is willing but the flesh is weak.” I think that more often my flesh is willing but my heart is weak. Singing children’s songs at the top of my lungs is a small step in the right direction for me in this area. Joining an area of service with great needs at Riverside has been a big one. What is something your pride has kept you from doing in your community?

- jason

"Why did you tell all these lies?"

2009-10-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen this interview with CNN Correspondent, Anderson Cooper, please do so when you get a moment (or read here). I was baffled by this story. Essentially, it is of a man who 'whips up' a protracted story about being a veteran of the US Armed Forces. The FBI caught on to him, and has charged him with a 'Stolen Valor' charge. I found myself asking the same question Mr. Cooper does, namely, "What in the world is going on here?"

Now, to be fair, I need to say/own a few things. Though he admits that he is not a 'pathological liar,' he does admit that there is an 'undiagnosed mental illness' present. And while I don't think that I would ever be able to concoct such a story (I'm just not that creative), I do think that I am capable of something like this. This gentleman and I really aren't all that different, when it comes down to what is at my core.

Yesterday, I spoke about how all of us--whether we claim to follow Jesus or not--have anchored deep within us a "question that won't go away." I mentioned how this question centers on wondering about our dignity, worth, and value. Moreover, how can we actually know that we do. Now, I'm not talking about a self-help model (à la Stuart Smalley) that aims at making us feel better in the moment, such that we don't weep when somebody tells us they don't like our powder-blue cardigan. I'm talking about the 'deep motivation' that makes us do everything we do; I'm talking about the stuff that makes us get up in the morning. So, like the psuedo-Marine in this story, I've posed in sundry ways to get attention, feel accepted, and so on. Here's the short list: I started playing music to feel cool in High School; I wore Croakies in college precisely and only because I thought girls liked dudes that did (I know: stud-ly, right ladies?). My point is this, I watched this story and my gut reaction, surprisingly, was "Yeah, I get it. I know why he'd fabricate a tale like this."

I'll cut it short. I mentioned how Christianity answers this "question that won't go away" by saying that in Christianity we find a dignity, worth, and value that comes from no other place. C.S. Lewis calls this "fame with God." And when this "question" is answered by Him, the "old ache [within]" begins to fade. What do you make of this...?

IPhone Sabbath Revisited

2009-10-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

I should first say that I just learned how to turn my own IPhone off.

I should secondly say that I am not allowed to create a rule about the Sabbath. The reason is not that I am a hypocrite, but that Jesus said many things about the Sabbath and they involved less rules - not more.

The Sabbath command appears all over the Bible. And the heart of it is this: take a day off, rest, be with your family, learn that there is a different rhythm to life than the one you see at work and at Schnucks. (Genesis 1, Exodus 16, Exodus 20, etc.)

What does this have to do with your IPhone? If you are a stay at home mom, I can see using your IPhone twice as much as usual on your Sabbath. If texting breathes relational life into your heart, then you should text even more on the Sabbath. But, the way to know if it is a good Sabbath practice is to pay attention to your family. Does texting (or emailing, or using your favorite APP) give you renewed energy to be with your loved ones (the sabbath, of course, applies just as much to single people as married ones)? Are you more relaxed when using these 'time-savers', and genius pieces of technology?

I am on a couple of list serves with multiple men. Most of us have stressful jobs. Posting to the list serve on the weekend might breathe life into some of these men. I say 'might' because creating hard and fast rules on the Sabbath misses the point of Jesus' teachings on it (Matthew 12 for instance).

In Matthew 5-7 Jesus revisits many Old Testament laws and re-imagines them in a broad way. The Sabbath is not included. The Apostle Paul treats the Sabbath similarly in a couple of his letters. The point, then, is not to turn off your IPhone (especially if you don't know how), but to pay attention to what email, texting, the internet, video games, tv, books, food, etc. do to your heart and the rhythms of your life. You are supposed to take a break once/week. You are supposed to slow down, be present to your heart (which hurts if you are used to moving fast), be present to your family, eat, and to play. So, play with your IPhone frequently on the Sabbath. But, do it while paying attention to what it does to the rhythm of your day - which is supposed to be slow.

Disease as Art

2009-10-08T09:18:00.000-07:00

As I wait on some posts from our more famous authors (Currently Josh Hogan and Dr. Eswine are fighting for the most hits/post), I will continue to steal compelling posts that I find from other sites.

The reason I am doing this is that I want to think more and better. I want to integrate my Christian Worldview into everything I see.

I came across the art of Luke Jerram through a series of other blogs. His medium is sculpture, his vision is to present disease in a beautiful medium. I encourage you to not only go and look at his work , but also to read the testimonials. It is very powerful to read a man with AIDS describe his reaction to the art that displays what is killing him. It is disorienting to say the least. I cannot fully imagine how disorienting it is for the men and women who see his work and are being affected by any of his diseases.

Our church sponsors an Art Gallery, and even though we already sponsor it, we continue to wrestle with why it is important. One of the many reasons is that: I think it is healthy and good for men and women to be exposed to art. As a cultural form it often deconstructs that which is evil and destructive, and constructs a vision for a world that is not quite as big of a mess as we currently occupy. Luke Jerram's art is an interesting hybrid of those two ideas - displaying the destruction (for whatever reason) and also offering that there is beauty even in these heinously evil diseases.

I hope you have the time to look at his work - even through the internet.

What does this map say about the US: Culture Exercise

2009-10-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

This is a map of the United States with lights representing McDonalds franchises.

In the United States, the furthest you can get from a McDonalds is 141 miles.

What does this assume about our world (the fact that the furthest you can get, in America, is 141 miles away)?

What does it assume about the way the world should be?

What does it make possible (easy question) ?

What does it make impossible, or at least more difficult?

What new culture is created in response to this phenomenon?

Pop Poetry V4:

2009-10-06T11:46:00.000-07:00

There's a song on the radio right now that for me is a total "toe-tapper" if you will. Rock & Roll has a great beat and a fun, easy to sing along with melody. After hearing the song a couple of times and wanting to sing more than, ah nah nah nah nah, I listened closely to the lyrics and was surprised. This upbeat song is packaged as a happy, go-lucky pop song, but to me the lyrics speak volumes about our culture and the emptiness so many of us have experienced looking for love and hope in the wrong places.

The American culture has reeled me in to the belief that I should always be on the look out for the next best thing. Live for experiences, for a feeling, for having what is good and fun and comfortable. Use people to get to a place or experience I want. If it doesn't work out, move on. Appearances are everything, don't miss a beat, even for a minute. I'm tempted to be cynical about love, cynical about hope, cynical that anything real and true and good exists in this world, especially when it comes to human beings.

This song reminds me that the only place I can find true love and hope, the only thing that can heal my cynicism, is God. This may sound too simple, or maybe I'm looking too deep here. You read the lyrics and tell me what impression they give you...

Rock & Roll by Eric Hutchinson

He’s been waiting
around for the weekend
Figuring which club to sneak in
Fancy drinks and fifty-dollar cover charge
Lately it’s been a big hassle
Heineken and New Castle
To make sure he’s fitting in and living large
Disregard the lies that he will tell
and what he’s probably like 'cause
It's not hard his charm is gonna
Get him through the night

If he wanna rock he rocks
If he wanna roll he rolls
He can roll with the punches
Long as he feels like he’s in control
If he wanna stay he stays
If he wanna go he goes
He doesn’t care how he gets there
Long as he gets somewhere he knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na

See her heavy make up and cut t-shirt
Every girl out wants to be her
But they look the same already why adjust
Reading the magazine secrets
Forget the topical regrets
'Cause If she comes home all alone the night's a
bust
It’s a must the swivel in her hips
And the look she gives
It’s all her trust
if only in the morning She knew where she lived

'Cause If she wanna rock she rocks
If she wanna roll she rolls
She can roll with the punches
Long as she feels like she’s in control
If she wanna stay she stays
If she wanna go she goes
She doesn’t care how she gets there
Long as she gets somewhere she knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na

And in a wink they’re on the brink
From drink to drink and at the bar
With cash to blow
From shot to shot it’s getting hot
Advance the plot to see how far
It’s gonna go
All depends so ditch the friends
And grab a cab
Another chance for cheap romance
Doesn’t count cause the room is spinning
Nothing to lose tonight they both are winning
And they fall in love as they fall in bed
They
sing

If they wanna rock they rock
If they wanna roll they roll
They can roll with the punches
Long as they feel like they're in control
If they wanna stay they stay
If they wanna go they go
They don’t care how they get there
Long as they get somewhere they know oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na...

-Natalie Wilson

The Cost of Neighbor-Hatred is Truth

2009-10-05T05:59:00.000-07:00

When Jesus started treating Samaritans as neighbors, many of his own crowd turned on him. Why? Because at that time, "Jews had no dealings with Samaritans." (John 4:9) What was Jesus' problem? Jesus' dealings with Samaritans jolted everyone. Some Jews disowned Jesus, called him a sell-out, and declared him mentally unstable. (John 8:48). On the other side, some Samaritans refused basic kindness to Jesus and rejected him outright (Luke 9:51-56). Even the best of Jesus' followers justified their desire to call down fire from heaven and declare Jesus' neighbors as their enemies (Luke 9:54).

Many of his own people now doubted his patriotism and loyalty. Many Samaritans despised him with suspicion and cynicism. He was misunderstood by his own followers. Why then did Jesus persist? Why confront the walls dividing both cultures in this way? His answer? Because according to Jesus, to do otherwise would distort what is true about God. "I do not have a demon" he said. "But I honor my father . . ." (John 8:49).

Sometimes upholding the truth involves classrooms, bullet-points, creedal statements, and stating right content. But what if Jesus had said that Samaritans were worthy of neighbor-love in God's eyes, but then told the same Samaritan jokes as his friends, and made the same Samaritan despising choices as his colleagues in carpentry and his fellow-teachers and members of the Synagogue? To uphold the truth of God's convictions regarding who is a neighbor, Jesus was willing to make relational choices and endure relational hits. The result? Soon there were Jesus followers gathering in Samaria along with other Jewish regions and there was peace among these cross-cultural followers of Jesus (Acts 9).

I am wondering what this all means. It seems that to uphold the truth as a Jesus follower, one must have more than the ability to rightly recite his statements. To uphold the truth of Jesus, it seems, will require relational courage. It takes a savvy courage to recognize genuine differences of belief and practice while still affording the dignity of a neighbor.

I am seeking to hope that the One who turned sons of thunder into Apostles of love will show us this courage. He purchased it for us and will work it in us. Criticism awaits those whom He gives this courage. But so does faith, hope and love. According to Jesus, risking relationship for neighbors in this way honors God.

What does this mean for we who seek to follow Jesus in 63119 and beyond?

Meeting with your Phone

2009-10-02T06:36:00.000-07:00

I would like to throw out a bit of encouragement as we begin our 'weekend'. Decide on a time when you are going to turn your phone off, and mean it. The 4th Commandment encourages us to rest from our work, with our family (and our livestock if you have any), and to enjoy the fact that God encourages us to rest - really oppressive this God... with his crazy rules, like "Take a day off"... :)

The first week I had my IPHONE (which I love, and you are allowed to judge me for not texting from) I let it ruin my day by checking my email as I walked back from the park with my girls. I got a bad email, and couldn't focus for the rest of the day thinking about how to reply (or not). Is it the phone's fault? No. It's my fault. So, I told my phone to stop "pushing" my email, and to only check it when I asked. The phone happily complied.

Yesterday at the zoo Caroline (Jasmine) said, "Is Aladdin on his phone?" We were at the zoo, and she was climbing on the enormous bug sculpture. So, I pulled my phone out to see if I had any emails. Caroline noticed I was no longer paying attention to her and mentioned it to me. I'm not calling this sin. I don't know if she cared at all. I am calling it a mistake. In 25 years I doubt I will think 'I wish I would have checked my email more' (insert texting for many of you). But I might regret not watching my strange, funny 3 year old, with her ever-present-tiara climbing on this enormous beetle, calling me Aladdin (Julia is Aboo the Monkey, Rachel is the non-existent Queen), forgetting she has to go to the bathroom, and talking non-stop about Rhinos.

Here is the part of the blog post where I could get into idols. I feel important when people email, it is a pleasant enough distraction to my anxiety and fear, I like having a small computer in my pocket...

But, the better reason to leave my phone in the house tomorrow (because for me Sunday is kind of a work day) is so that I am more intentional with my girls, so that I am less plugged into the Matrix, so that I can take deep breaths and not look for fulfillment in my job, friends, and list-serves. The better reason is to embrace a different rhythm to life than an IPHONE implies - one that includes a Sabbath.

Its just an encouragement: turn your phone off for a set amount of time this weekend. Decide not to check your email, or blogs, or facebook - for a set amount of time (The Jewish scholars would say 25 hours, beginning 18 minutes before sunset - 6:42 tonight - so turn the phone off at 6:24). If you have never done this before I would encourage you to plan your time without your phone, and just shoot for a few hours. Enjoy your weekend, see you Sunday.

-Matt Blazer

Movie Review: The Informant

2009-10-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

Amid mediocre Rotten Tomato reviews (high 60’s), but with the hope that the movie would live up to its well crafted, but poorly representative (what else is new?) trailers, my dad and I went to see The Informant tonight. The Informant, (not to be confused with a similarly titled film The Insider, directed by Michael Mann and possibly one of the best films ever made), is director Steven Soderbergh’s most recent film, based on a true story, about Mark Whitacre, former Senior Exec at ADM who became both one of the greatest corporate whistle-blowers of all time, and also one of the biggest white collar criminals simultaneously. Though I knew little about the story, some quick Google fact checking supports most of the depiction of Mark’s life and his efforts to blow the lid on massive corporate theft (international market price fixing), while embezzling (during the time he aided the FBI mind you) more than 9 Million dollars. Regardless of how honest Matt Damon’s depiction of the character was, I will say, he, as usual, did an excellent job, breathing some life to the film. I wasn’t sure what the movie would be about, it just looked like it would be a comedy. The truth is, it really wasn’t very funny at all. Sure, there were a few funny moments, but most of the movie leaves you feeling awkward and even kind of a pity for this bizarre character who was so caught up in lies and deception that he ruined over a decade of his life, and will be, in many cases, somewhat villianized for the rest of his life.

While the film failed to meet expectations (though I’m starting to feel like this is what I can expect out of Soderbergh after all), it did do a great job of illustrating a captivating picture of the human condition. Whitacre, for instance, one of the brightest and most successful individuals of his time, was a thief, but he didn’t start out that way. In fact, if there is a theme in the movie, or rather, if there was a main character, it wasn’t actually Whitacre, but rather it was the amassed tangled web of his lies and deceitfulness that leave your mouth dropping. It’s in fact, hardly at all about the initial crime of his embezzlement, but rather his lie, which led to more lies, which led to a snowball of lies that almost seem delusional. (Remember Martha Stewart?) I guess why I felt pity, more than humor walking out of the theater, is because I’m not sure I, or any one of us are all that different than the man. Sure the magnitude of his failures are probably larger than each of ours, but the fact is, all of us lie. We lie in some way, shape or form often. Whether it’s an overt lie, a white lie (whatever that is) or a more subtle omission of information that might make us look bad… we all do it.

If you are like me, and wonder what scripture says about lying, you’ll find that it aint just one of the Ten Commandments, in fact, the bible is rife with examples of deceit and the disaster that ensues soon after. Just driving home from the Moolah, my dad and I rattled off probably a dozen different clear examples. If you have time, reference the stories of Laban and Isaac, Jacob and Esau, David and Uriah, Samson and Delilah, Cain and Able, Ananias and Sapphira, Peter, Judas, and the grand-daddy and grandma of all deceivers, Adam and Eve. After quick reflection, it’s evident that the bible is trying to tell us something about lying. Whenever God uses this many illustrations, which centralize around a single topic, we should probably take note.

Having wrestled earlier in my faith, and still sometimes today, with the feeling like God’s laws for us are somewhat legalistic, movies like The Informant do a great service in helping illustrate that God gave us his laws, not out of self-righteous piety, but to protect us, his children. For, the same reason that I grab my children sternly when they are about to run into the street, it’s clear that God loves us so much, He’s willing to create boundaries for us to ensure that we can know the true joy of living a life that he’s designed us for.

Having worked in the corporate sector for over a decade, and in fact in similar industries like ADM, it’s actually really easy to relate to the culture of greed and deceit. But we don’t escape it when we go home from work. My kids lie (not out of malice, but maybe out of a joke or even out of a little self-protection); then I think about how I lovingly can illustrate the harm they are causing to themselves and to others by doing that. I guess the best way to teach them is to model real, righteous, vulnerable honesty, even when it hurts.

It’s important to note that the bible gives us examples of amazing honesty as well. Paul for instance, was not afraid to be honest about his allegiance to Jesus, even in the wake of personal harm and eventually death. The most re-assuring example for me in scripture however, is David, because even “the man after God’s own heart” felt victim to lies and deceit. And even though he experienced a life-time of anquish and hardship as a penalty for his sin, He found redemption and renewal in his relationship with God. That’s the kind of thing that can really inspire hope.

From a movie perspective, I’d file this under “RENTER”. But be sure to do just that. It’s maybe not what you’ll expect, but it’s worth seeing, if you want to be reminded of the dangers of deceit, and see an overweight toupee-wearing version of Matt Damon.

PS – It will also give all of you free-range egg lovin, whole-foods grocery shopping, high fructose corn hatin people, just one more reason to hate the Food industry. Man… all of this writing is making me want a Big Mac and a Hostess Cherry Pie. Later!

-Josh Hogan

2009: A Good Year for music

2009-09-29T04:14:00.001-07:00

My Best of 2009…so far

We are coming on the end of the 2000s. It seems like just yesterday we were fretting over the world being overcome by the Y2K computer glitch, who knew what we really had to fear was that the computers would keep working and someone would invent Facebook. In honor of the closing of this fine decade (have we decided yet what to call it, the aughts?, that just doesn’t sound right) Pitchfork has begun counting down its top 200 albums of the 2000s. They will be counting down all week, today was 200-151. Personally, I’m already outraged due to the fact that Okkervil River’s Black Sheep Boy was listed at 174…it easily should have been 165. I’m kidding, of course, it easily should have been in the top 20.
I really like lists. I find it odd how often I will click on a link to a story that has something to do with ranking something or other. Today it was ‘The Top 5 Overpaid CEOs’- I don’t care that the CEO of Abercrombie is overpaid, nor should I trust they guy making the list to determine whether or not the Abercrombie CEO even warrants being on the list- but I clicked on it, because it was a list. I don’t know why I do that. Same reason that I like award shows I guess, I even like award shows for stuff I don’t even like. I like to know who won a Tony, but I don’t really care much for musicals. Maybe lists bring some order and sanity to my otherwise chaotic life.
To commemorate my affection for lists, here is an early preview of my best albums of 2009, so far. There are a couple of releases coming up that could certainly make a run, but for now, I suggest that you check out these albums:
Phoenix- Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix (probably my album of the year)
The Antlers- Hospice
We Were Promised Jetpacks- These Four Walls
The Rural Alberta Advantage- Hometowns
Various Artists- Dark Was the Night (odd to have a compilation on the list, but this was outstanding)
Passion Pit- Manners
Animal Collective- Merriweather Post Pavillion
The Decemberists- The Hazards of Love
Grizzly Bear- Veckatimest
-Brian

What is the Good Life?

2009-09-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

To love and to be loved in Him is to experience the good life. Is this what Jesus is saying to us by His way of identifying and relating to neighbors?

Jesus sets before us His love for children, the sick, the widow, and the poor. He dignifies and heals the sexually damaged, and the mentally broken. He lovingly cares for and wisely disrupts His enemies; those who bully. His love for the Samaritans, His call to all nations, and His humorous choice of a staunch Jewish man to become an advocate for the Gentiles, names our racial and ethnic bigotries and invites us to a neighborliness that crosses our fears of color and cultural identity.

By doing so, is Jesus suggesting that to be poor or sick, broken or misunderstood does not disqualify one from a good life? For these, love exists. For these, love doesn't quit.

Or is Jesus offering a mirror to the rich, the healthy, the whole and the privileged? Is he saying to the adult, remember you too were once a child whom any adult could overpower in arm wrestling. You too remember the pain of loveless power moves, manipulative words, or neglectful actions. Will you treat children the same way you were treated with some kind of "it's my turn now" mentality? Or will you have learned something from what was missing of love and seek to mend this breach for another?

Or is it simply that our pride of health is challenged by Jesus' love for those whose bodies are broken? Is it that our pride of intellect is humbled by the healing attention that Jesus pays to the mentally cracked. Our is it that our pride of wealth is exposed by Jesus' gift of time, food and presence to the poor?

What if Jesus is simply reminding us that we will not always have money? Health will not always patron our bodies. Soundness will not always enjoy its stay in our brains. And then what?

Can the good life be had when money, health and power are gone? Will it only arrive when making contests and giving trophies on the basis of one's color, culture or competence have ceased?

What if amid the chants of "we're number one, we're number one" that bellow and clank in the world, there is an ordinary moment on a mundane street, in which one neighbor brings to another a half-finished container of caramel apples from Schnuck's grocery? Then, whether rich or poor, black or white, insane or sane, whole or damaged, something of heaven is glimpsed. Love whispers presence. A good life remains possible.

Maybe according to Jesus, a good life begins by asking in Him, "Who is my neighbor?" If so, maybe through Him we can learn to set our resume on the table for a moment, walk out onto our porch, take a moment to breath a prayer, and have a look. Maybe the good life begins on our porches.

Why I love our church

2009-09-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

If you are ambivalent about Christianity and Jesus (which I was for 26 years) you don't need to read any further. Okay, but fair warning it's about God.

I have been thinking lately about how crazy scary the world we live in is. I don't ever watch the news because it makes me cry but I overhear people talking or I switch on the radio and there is a news report or my husband Sam will ask me if I have heard about the latest horrifying incident. Before becoming a Christian I would literally shut down with fear, with hopelessness. I didn't know God so how could I have any shred of relief? It all seemed to pointless and so unbearably sad. Somehow the Lord pursued our family and I ended up nine months pregnant with our first daughter in a church and I experienced a little tiny bit of hope. I didn't even know Jesus yet but I found comfort there. I liked they way the people I met were living there lives, not without trials but with faith, with hope. Today as a parent I cling to Jesus, to heaven, to church. It's my safety in an unsafe world. Being part of a community that knows me, knows my children and cares for us is just a part of it. Knowing that God loves me and my family gives me the strength and hope to keep parenting, keep living, keep pursuing goodness even when I fail miserably. Yes, there are things I don't like about our church, sometimes the sermons are boring, I'm not a huge fan of the donut holes they have there that make my children crazy with sugar. There are mornings when the thought of getting three ornery kids into somewhat weather appropriate clothes with teeth and hair brushed seems like an overwhelming task. However, none of it matters one single little bit because I love my church more than those things, more than anything really because it keeps me grounded. It is a safe welcoming place for my family. It is where we learn more about the Lord and his love for us. It is where we go to hope.

A couple of weeks ago at church Sadie our oldest received a children's bible for graduating into the Kindergarten class. From the moment she got it she has insisted that she sleep with it and that we read it every night. When she is afraid we pray. When we see something beautiful we thank God. Yesterday Sadie told me that, "God is our father even daddy's because we are all his kids". Ruby says the same prayer every night,"Thank you for the whole family even baby Charlie in mommy's tummy, I LOVE YOU GOD!" Poppy just looks at us, she is still not talking, but any day now she is going shock us all by saying Amen! All of this we learned and experienced because of our church. So church, rain or shine, staff changes, members leaving, members joining, messy human interactions, donut holes and all, that is why I love you.

-Greta Coalier

Parenting Page: Linking Up

2009-09-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

There is no original parenting page this week. Instead, check out the Leopard Man and the new post on our parenting blog

Optimism

2009-09-21T14:33:00.000-07:00

My favorite band is Radiohead – yes, I am one of those...I am sorry. A song on their year 2000 release, Kid A, called “Optimistic” has been on my mind lately. The song is somewhat abrasive, consisting of a driving beat and an Eastern music influenced minor scale. You can listen to them play it live in the video above. The lyrics drip with sarcasm and the chorus states mockingly…

“You can try the best you can,
you can try the best you can.
The best you can is good enough”.

I am a man who deeply desires to do the best I can, and who is ashamed that the best I can is not enough. That is, simply, pride. I must daily take the time to pause, think, and accept that because I am fallen, because I am not perfect the best that I can do will never be enough. It won’t be enough for my wife, for my children, for my employer, for my friends, for doing the dishes, for anything, but I so desperately want it to be.
This desire can seem good or productive, and includes some earthly rewards, but it concludes the same every single time - frustration - my best is not enough. But now for the Good News. God is more than enough. Though we are incomplete he is doing a great work in us. It isn’t because we try hard, or do our best, it is because of his benevolent love for us which he has freely given.
So I confess that I am a prideful, broken, and in end not even a good man. However, God is completing me and someday, due to his perfection and sacrifice, my best will be enough.
Think of where you are broken, confess to God where you are broken, and rejoice in the fact that you are a chosen child of Him, that you are loved more deeply than you can imagine, and that one day you will be complete.

-Jason W. Wilson Esquire

Jesus and Mental Health

2009-09-20T20:19:00.000-07:00

In his, Hunches in Bunches, Dr. Seuss describes what can happen to a mind. A mind can become, "frightfully ga-fluppted, " and "murky-mooshy." Such words for children well-describe my adult mind. Though I have known what it is to take the hand of a counselor and walk through the dark, and though I have known what it is to need medication for a season to give my thoughts a night-light in the corner, I require no disease of mind, (though many such diseases there are) or intentional amnesia through the abuse of some deceptive substance of addiction to feel that my mind is often broken. I am at times genuinely confused or frustratingly forgetful. I know what it is to have mistaken thoughts about this or that. The capacity to willfully rationalize my way into what eventually harmed me sources my regrets. "What was I thinking?" often describes the motto that fills my sighs and accompanies a shaking of my head while I look somber down in painful memory; and all of this before age has set in.

Perhaps my acquaintance with being "frightfully ga-fluppted" fuels my kindred feeling for the mentally tormented man whom Jesus ransomed from demons, restored peace, and recovered him "clothed and in his right mind." (Luke 8:35). His condition was ugly and demonic. Shackles, violence and solitary confinement formed the only help he had ever received.

It does not surprise me that torment was what the man expected from Jesus (Lk. 7:28). Ugliness gone normal has a way of suffocating hope even when God Himself enters our story. What does surprise me is how one can learn to hate beauty when routines and habits have been settled in the norms of ugliness. When Jesus sets this man in his right mind, people fear rather than celebrate. Healing, beauty, and goodness arouse resistance not gratitude. The broken minded want Jesus to leave not because He will harm them, but precisely because He can heal them (Lk. 8:37). Sometimes the most frightful thing facing a person is the prospect of their healing.

The broken-minded have our wires crossed, don't we? We welcome those patterns of thought, feeling and action which have always harmed us. But when healing pops the question, we refuse the ring. To heal means change. Change requires leaving the known and entering the unknown. Sometimes prisons feel like home. The community in this passage choose to remain safe and harmed. But the man? "Snowflakes kiss the scabs between his filthy rags." In his right mind, Jesus sends him home. The man goes to an old place in a new way. The man returns to those who hated him, mocked him or feared him. He returns to those who saw him naked, bruised and shrieking. The discomfort of health pursues them. Now that his mind is mending, their jokes will have to change. Are they willing?

Voting and Healthcare

2009-09-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Last Night I was talking to my mom and she called Barack Obama a socialist. We proceeded to attempt to discuss some of his policies and why it may or may not be helpful to label the president. :) I love mom. You never wonder what she is thinking.

Once, when I was visiting her and my brother she was talking about Sean Hannity, and my brother started saying, "Sean Hannity is an idiot." And my mom said, "No he isn'." And they went back and forth and back and forth. Did I mention that this was on the way to the airport to drop off my brother? It was. They kept going. Seriously. He has a PHD in Philosophy and my mom has been a small business owner for 30-some years; they are both intelligent, etc. "He is an idiot." "No, he isn't." Not yelling, but voices are getting heated. Then we pull up. "I love you Mom", "I love you too honey, have a safe flight!". End of discussion.

Tonight, at On Tap we are discussing Health Care. I know right... SO PREDICTABLE! Did you know that Town Hall meetings about this have ended in fist-fights? I would promise no fist fights tonight, but I do not know who is coming. Hopefully the moderator will be able to exert control when needed!

What if we had a mutually edifying discussion towards parties? What if people on all sides learned from one another? What if tonight's On Tap was able to offer dignity to everyone in the room's opinion, regardless of the decibel level they are able to reach? I think that that would be just as amazing, just as redemptive in some ways, as if the health care system could be "fixed". Can I encourage you to come and learn at tonight's On Tap, even if you haven't "kept up" with the issue? By the way, the world is having a mild crisis relative to the reality of 24-hour news... So, everyone probably feels a little left out! Can I encourage you to come to On Tap tonight if you know the issue well - maybe you can help people understand it better - and to do that carefully but clearly? Can I encourage you to argue with people tonight - but to do it in a respectful, even humble way? Not by saying "With all due respect", but by meaning it and at the same time clearly calling out the different perspectives in the room?

I'm finished with my "encouragements". I know I should have probably said "may", but who knows the rules of language on a blog anyway?

A couple of primers: What does it say about our culture and America that this has dominated the news the way that it has? Ought people to vote their conscience as an individual or as a citizen? (I don't mean to make those two exclusive unnecessarily). I hope you are able to join our discussion tonight at Llywellyn's in WG, at 7:00

Commercials and Advertising

2009-09-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

As I have listened to Zack's comments about the cultural impacts of many of the commercials on television during football games, I began to think about solutions. Solution-making seems to be a default setting of mine, a setting that I have had to learn to adjust at times as I have realized that some people are looking just for someone to listen instead of someone to solve their problem, but in the case of television commercials, I'm searching for a solution. Though I take a more conservative stance on the impact of television images on kids and adults, I do see how amazed Ellie gets when something other than her show or my sporting event takes to the television. Commercial influence goes beyond television also. Television advertising revenue is falling as though gravity is working double, so there is also a need to keep our eyes on internet advertising and advertising sent to mobile phones. Both of those areas are worthy of comment, but I digress to stay minimally focused. My realization for this week is that we no longer live in an era of live television. Sure, this isn't news, as we have been watching youtube videos and taping television on our DVR or TiVo for some time, but I do believe that the shift has taken hold for a growing plurality of our country, which is all it takes for a fad to become a tradition. With the death of live television, we have also gained more control over the culture button in our homes. If it is true, as Andy Crouch states in Cultural Making, that our role as Christians is to interact with culture wearing the hat of an artist and/or a gardener so that we can at times create new culture or cultivate the current culture by fertilizing the good stuff while also pulling the weeds, then our digital video recorders are perfect tools for cultivation. Ellie is to the point where she says to me, "Daddy, go through the commercials." Sure, I love to watch the last quarter of my favorite college football games live. There are magic moments in college football when I want to feel like I'm at the Big House in Michigan or at the Horseshoe in Columbus with 100,000 of my closest friends, but I can also reinsert an hour of family time into my schedule by taping the event and catching up along the way. In the mean time, no beer commercials, no sex commercials, so just for the today, just for the moment, I can control the conversation. I can control the content. Technology is often times an amoral advancement, and it takes creativity and perseverance to make it work for us as Christians, so we should bend the trend that technology is racing past us too quickly and harness those things that can allow our families to benefit. Finally, here is a great link released on 9/15 about the impact that our changing technology is having on society

-Bob Dillon

Parenting Page: Needing Help

2009-09-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

This morning I arrived at preschool, late as usual. As I started to pile my kids out of the car, wishing it was legal to leave children in an unattended vehicle, my mind started making the list of all the things I’d forgotten in our rush out the door.:

“I forgot that form I was supposed to fill out…Oh, and I still never brought in his change of clothes….Ahh, I never did cut Tyler’s nails…they look dirty again. The teachers are going to think I never bathe him…When was the last time I bathed him?… Will I ever be on top of things?…I just need to be more organized when I leave the house…I just need to get up earlier…I really shouldn’t have yelled at Tyler when we were leaving…Will I ever leave the house without barking in frustration at one of my children?…my teeth feel gross…I forgot to brush my teeth again…at least I showered this morning…that’s why I’m late…I really should get up earlier…I always thought I was going to be that mom that looked super cute and stylish as she dropped her children off, all in their matching outfits…Is that egg in Grayson’s hair?…”

My internal monologue was cut short as I looked to see that as I was pulling one child out of their car seat, a friend was on the other side of my van helping my other child out of his. Without having to be asked, this friend was there making it possible for me to keep moving. It seems like such a little thing, but this simple act of community made me feel incredibly cared for. I thought of it multiple times today. As much as I would love to have it all together, it is such a blessing to need help.

-Kim Janous

Jesus and Sexual Power

2009-09-14T06:26:00.001-07:00

We know that she is a sinner (Luke 7:37, 39). Culturally at that time, this most likely means that her sin was of a notorious and sexual nature. Was she a prostitute? If so, was it by choice or of the tragic result of poverty? Was it that she loved the power her body gives her with men? Or was she mentored by the men and women in her life to believe herself a trinket for use? We don't know. What we know is that she had become "that sort of woman." Which means that she was accustomed to "that sort of man."

How that sort of man views that sort of woman is well described in the song, "The most beautiful woman in the room" by the Flight of the Conchords. She is the most beautiful woman "in the room, in the whole wide room" and is useful for his bodily hopes that night. That sort of man uses her in a way well-captured by the hit show, "The Office."

Roy: (Katy walks through the breakroom) Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam.

Pam: We're engaged, not dating.

Roy: Engaged, yeah.

As Kerry Cohen notes in her memoir of sexual promiscuity, "Boys have to put forth real effort to get laid, while all (girls) have to do is stand braless in the wind." I don't know what made this woman in Luke 7, choose to use her body for male attention. But I do know that if she was willing to let them buy her a drink, or laugh at their jokes or show some of her skin, she could have all the attention from that sort of man that she wanted. Truth be told, any of us can, any time. Bowing to "that sort" of life is possible daily.

But, Jesus confronts another "sort" of man in this passage. In contrast to the irreligious men who use her body for their pleasure and whom she uses for her own, the religious men look but do not touch. Jesus spoke about them in the Sermon on the Mount. They believe that it is a sin to commit adultery and so they harshly judge this woman. But Jesus looks into their hearts. They too might think her physically pretty. They too might lust in their hearts. This lust makes their religious hearts of the same stuff as the hearts of the irreligious men. They pretend they have no notice of physical attractiveness. Therefore they seek to put her down with no hope for change. She will always be a woman of "that sort" to them.

Jesus confronts both sorts of men and this sort of woman. Unlike these men and that woman, Jesus connects her body to her dignity (do you see this woman?) and to her story (she has many sins, but she loves much). The irreligious male whistles, flatters and uses. The religious man doesn't touch but niether does he offer an alternative or rescue. Jesus neither flatters nor abandons. Rather, he looks at her without lust. He calls her to affirm that her weeping is right and good. That her dignity and her story matter. She has faith, love and forgiveness. These truths are hers to own when foolish men abound and wait for her to flatter them with her flirtations. These truths are hers when religious men only see where she has been and pay no attention to what Christ is doing. These truths are hers when she finds true love, when flashbacks and memories of other bodies and shadows of other sexual or flirtatious moments intrude until healed.

Imagine a bride walking down the aisle. Imagine a man locking eyes on her to flatter her and bring her to flirt with him as she tries to fix her gaze on her husband. Most all of us would cuss at the thought, outraged with the idea. Isn't this because we all realize in this picture what we long for? We long for a recognition of beauty that is more than skin and that guards and protects true love. Why then, the next day, when the bride and groom are wearing jeans, do we indulge the thought of what they would look like naked? Why can't we leave them alone and mind our own business?

Music Monday: Pop Poetry

2009-09-14T05:22:00.000-07:00

I am often frustrated with my humanness. My need for help, my inability to control things or to know what is coming. How frequently I make mistakes, hurt those I love, doubt those who love me. Whether one believes in a Savior or not, it seems to be innate knowledge that we as humans are lacking. Our endeavors won't ever be perfect, in motivation or in execution. It's confusing, it's frustrating. Paul described it like this: "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." Romans 7:18,19

Carolina Liar describes it like this:

Show Me What I'm Looking For

Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Movie Review: District 9

2009-09-11T06:27:00.000-07:00

Rated: R
Cast: Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope, Nathalie Boltt
Director: Neil Blomkamp

I went to see District 9 a few weeks ago by myself - which is one of my favorite pastimes. I pay attention differently. The speed of the movie - District 9 is pretty fast - is easier for me to get used to. I don't have to share food ("JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD").

I was thoroughly impressed with District 9. If you don't know, it is a movie about an alien ship that comes to Earth, but not to invade or colonize. The closest approximation I have seen to it is Alien Nation. A human, who is in charge of relocating the Aliens, once the city of Johannesburg (maybe an overly obvious choice - but Blomkamp is from S. Africa) is tired of their proximity, becomes infected with an alien liquid and is forced to live in their shanties. There is more to the movie of course, but I do not want to give it away. Maybe it is about 'isms'. District 9 is certainly about people and their/our darkness. It is about the potential of one man or woman to do the right thing. And, it might be about the consequences of all of those things coming together - quickly. I will say this, instead of 'what will the aliens do to us?', District 9 is about what we might do to them. And, it is a "disturbingly plausible" movie in that regard.

The movement is fast, but you will not lose the story. The acting is superb. District 9 begins as a pseudo-documentary, and moves into full blown Sci-Fi somewhere in the middle. The ending drags a bit, but you soon understand why. And all of us who have seen will eagerly anticipate District 10.

I am trying to constantly ask the question of our blog authors, "What does it mean to be a Christian and like ____________." Miles Davis, Bon Iver, American Idol, Mad Men (My favorite)... When ought we to not like these things? How do we place our Christian posture/gestures/worldview on top of these cultural things? Okay, I did that, now what?

I loved District 9. The story is a good one. There was a lot of cussing. It is unclear if the aliens (subtitled) or the humans cuss more. But, is it bad to cuss in the face of such hate? Is it, in fact, unhealthy to cuss when one is fully disoriented. Many people die in the movie (although not nearly as many as you might have thought for an "alien movie"). But, is it bad for evil men to be killed? Or, is it destructive to see good men/creatures die and be reminded that this happens every day around our world - and probably in our backyard more than we realize or are told?

I recommend seeing District 9. If graphic violence disturbs you, then maybe not. However, it is not gratuitous violence. I recommend the conversation that belongs next to District 9 about the nature of man, the role of individuals, and the simple fact that time, fatigue, and limits can make cowards of us all.

A Mother's Letter. From God

2009-09-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

"At times we watch helplessly and somewhat mutely as our lives or the lives of people love are so devastated by the result of living in a fallen world that we can do nothing but cry out to God in pain and sorrow. God's response to my cries was this impression of his voice in my heart, first to me personally, three years prior and then again to me FOR Erin. It was one of the deepest comforts he gave to me as a woman and as a mom. Sometimes we just need to hear him share the gospel with us in the midst of deep pain so that we can cry out with Job, "I know that my redeemer lives!" Following are his words that I shared with my hurting, precious, amazing girl.

October 9, 2007

Erin,
I have had this thought on my heart since last Saturday and know that it was spoken into my heart by God. He originally spoke in a very similar way a few years back… to me. Now I know, this time, it is… for you.

“Erin, I have pursued you since you came into this world. You were wanted and loved by parents, parents who often did not know how to love you, how to get to that place deep in your heart that was restless and hungering.
You pursued others, girlfriends and boys, but they never could get to that place either. Yet, each time you tried to make them the answer you gave pieces of yourself away.

The more you sought to fill that place deep in your heart, the deeper it became. This created restlessness in you and a fear that this would never change. Yet, at the same time this deep abyss in your heart frightened you, so did allowing others into it.
Meanwhile Erin, I’ve waited. Crying for you on the sidelines of your life, watching you from the sidelines, but always just one step away. Just like the others, if you sensed Me too close, you stepped away.

I think that you’ve known all along that if you completely give yourself to Me, I will forever change you and that scares you. I designed and created you so I would never change the very essence of who you are. I would never mar My own work of art, My poem, My beauty.

Others may willingly take from you or even unwittingly do so. However, I have been waiting to take you into My arms and let all of My love and power, Sorrow and tears, and beauty and grace flow into and fill that place in your heart.
I will never leave you, even if you leave Me, for however long. I will never tire of you or lose patience with you, nor My desire for you.

You were worth Me letting My heart be ripped out of Me and bleed . You were worth Me letting go of My child. Letting Him go into the hands of confused, scared, angry people that took His beauty and marred it and then hung it on that cross displayed in the cruelest of deaths. You were worth Me turning My back on Him at the moment He most needed Me and pleaded My Father’s arms to save and hold Him. “My God, My God! Why have You forsaken Me?!”

You were worth all of My resurrection power being emptied into My dead Son’s body, to give you the opportunity to let Me in to your life.
Erin, I didn’t do all of this just for you to have “someday Heaven”. No, I did it for now, a heaven on earth life. The very life you’ve looked for to fill that place deep in your heart.

Erin, you are worth all of this and you are worth waiting for. I have been pursuing you for your entire life. I love you…I yearn for you…I’ll wait forever. All of this is because I Am Who I Am…this is My very nature…I cannot deny the very essence of Who I am. I am Love fierce and passionate and powerful enough to hold and keep you forever. Amen”

P.S.- Erin, do you remember that your name means “peace”? What you seek is one step away…I believe you are moving towards that Peace and He is waiting with open arms… Mama

-Marsha Lang

Parenting Page: Linking

2009-09-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

While we will continue to use this blog for parenting stories, Riverside has a new blog that will interact with the past week's sermon. Check it out - especially if you have kids.

Debating in America

2009-09-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

By the people and for the people... These are words at the foundation of democracy in America, and over the past few months, these seven words have taken center stage during the debate over health care and climate change. As much talk has circulated, I have been taking some time to reflect on the bigger issue of federalism as it applies to a number of things including church structure and organization.

Realizing that wars have been fought over this topic (Civil War), I tread carefully. Federalism in my mind is about a philosophy how the contract or covenant of the people entering into a structure or organization should operate. In its simplest terms, how much power should the individual have versus how much power should the governing body have. Over the years, organized religion has seemed to take its greatest knocks from being overly oppressive from the top. This has resulted in cases of corruption, abuse, and other sins that creep into organizations that lose focus on the will of the people. One would hope that the push back and lessons to be learned from religion's storied past would be a rush to the middle ground where a balanced approach between a strong church leadership that provides a focused mission, vision, and programming while still honoring the desires and ideas of the congregation would emerge. Instead, a number of contemporary churches seem to have bounced from one pole to the other creating an organic environment that respects and supports the ideas of its members without a leadership core that glues the congregation together in a way that creates common cause and cultivates common culture. This type of structure doesn't seem like it can be effective either as it would fall into the trappings of structures like the European Union and our own nation's articles of confederation http://www.constitution.org/cons/usa-conf.htm which honor individualism to the point of generating gridlock, failed consensus building, and no forward momentum. Whether it is a debate about health care, climate change or church structure, balance seems to be essential. Finding this balance isn't easy, but it requires leadership willing to engage with everyone about the need for freedom and common mission as concepts that harmoniously coexist in productive tension with each other. It seems that then and only then will new churches emerge that redraw the boundaries and bring new life to their Gospel-driven missions.

-Bob Dillon

Reforming Culture/Making Culture

2009-09-03T06:15:00.001-07:00

There will always be arguments about culture that range from the number of reality TV shows on the air at any given time, to the academic dissemination of mores and belief from the university level into the dominant 'culture'. Similarly, Christians have been arguing about how to 'do' culture, what to make of it, etc. since the beginning of Christianity.

A 20th century writer named H. Richard Niebuhr gave five categories for thinking about culture that are broad enough to help us think about it, and narrow enough to actually explain some of how we ought to then live - in regards to 'culture'. In summary:

Christ against Culture. For the exclusive Christian, history is the story of a rising church or Christian culture and a dying pagan civilization.

Christ of Culture. For the cultural Christian, history is the story of the Spirit’s encounter with nature.

Christ above Culture. For the synthesist, history is a period of preparation under law, reason, gospel, and church for an ultimate communion of the soul with God.

Christ and Culture in Paradox. For the dualist, history is the time of struggle between faith and unbelief, a period between the giving of the promise of life and its fulfillment.

Christ Transforming Culture. For the conversionist, history is the story of God’s mighty deeds and humanity’s response to them. Conversionists live somewhat less “between the times” and somewhat more in the divine “now” than do the followers listed above. Eternity, to the conversionist, focuses less on the action of God before time or life with God after time, and more on the presence of God in time. Hence the conversionist is more concerned with the divine possibility of a present renewal than with conservation of what has been given in creation or preparing for what will be given in a final redemption.

Typically, churches like Riverside have taken the fifth option. Now, there are issues with such broad categories. For instance, we (Riverside) would call ourselves 'Reformed' after the Reformers of the 16th century. Well, they certainly didn't agree on this, and Martin Luther is probably in the "Christ and Culture in paradox" camp.

ANYWAY, Riverside has a few programs that come out of our thinking on this topic. The Art Gallery: which exists for art and artists; with sub-hopes about what happens when a church is so fully behind such aspects of culture. On Tap: which exists for an almost naive belief in the power of conversation and dialogue; with similar sub-hopes.

The goal is to promote art and conversation. The assumption is that those two things are not easy to promote. The further assumption is that Christianity ought to bear weight in those places - but that that conversation is a long one, and one that probably begins with a lot of learning and listening. I hope you will join us with an openness to great art, great conversation. And then, to learn together what it means to observe Christianly (art), and to dialogue Christianly about Health Care (our September topic), or movies, or good food.

Thoughts???

Discuss...

-Matt Blazer

Why you should come to the Art Gallery Tonight: Dissonance and a chance encounter with great art

2009-08-28T09:06:00.001-07:00

According to the dictionary on my computer dissonance means: • a tension or clash resulting from the combination of two disharmonious or unsuitable elements. This is the second definition, because I believe dissonance is usually a musical term.

I want people to come tonight because we have great art, and we have disturbing art. I believe it is disturbing in a good way. Our first artist works primarily with Barbie, and her goal is not to accessorize her. Then, you move into the larger room where we have two artists that the Gallery met when we did the collaboration with the Women's Caucus for the Arts, STL chapter. All three of our artists are amazing, but the ways that they are amazing are different. Lauren (first artist) is doing something very concrete with her deconstruction (and destruction) of Barbie, Maggie has a lot of abstract and semi-abstract work (including sculpture) that is explosive in color, and Kate's work - while softer than the other two - has a depth to it you could miss if you don't stop to look for awhile.

Our Gallery exists for a number of reasons. One of them is to expose more people to the cultural medium of art. Tonight, from 7-10, is one of the finest opportunities you will have to see very established art, but also to be exposed to emerging/counter-cultural art. I hope you are able to join us for a few minutes.

Parenting Page: Parenting Adults

2009-08-26T07:20:00.000-07:00

As I was learning the lyrics to several songs for a fundraiser we were involved in recently I was somewhat undone. Some are so poignant and full of heartache that never gets healed.

I think back to the earlier days of being a mom and then I flash to the present and realize there is a condition that never goes away in motherhood. It is the condition of wanting your offspring to find a fulfilling life full of God’s goodness and free from as much pain and heartache as possible. And I definitely want them to be healed in this lifetime of any heartache they may experience
This just does not happen easily or in the way we envision it.
I have learned over a lot of time “in the field” that God’s best for my kids is more often gained through hardship and battles. This is often excruciating to watch as a mom. After all God gave us that nurturing, protective gene didn’t he?
I have wanted to fix it! I have wanted to fix them! I have wanted to stop the growing pains and the bad choice-making and re-direct their journeys. I want to advise them ahead of time so they don’t suffer any “unnecessary” results, steer them clear, help them see the light.God has answered on so many occasions a resounding “NO!” and I at times shake my fist at him.

I remember in 2003 when our youngest was preparing to go with Youth With A Mission in Perth, Australia. I realized after she flew out of St. Louis I forgot to be sure she had requested a window seat and an exit aisle with ample leg room for the crossing over the Pacific to Australia and then the flight from their east coast to their west coast. It drove me crazy that she might not travel well as she was getting over a sinus infection, and also what about thrombosis on such long flights?
As I lamented to a friend she gently said that, what was driving me crazy was that I didn’t take care of everything I wanted to as a mom and that maybe God had it under control. I was stunned by my need to control an adult child’s environment and more stunned that I hadn’t realized how strong that urge still was at this stage of our lives.

I have loved getting to know and do life with our three adult kids and their spouses. I have also had to be so very vigilant to let them live and breathe and have their being in whatever way and manner they choose and love them through it all.
I am undone by some of the pain and the suffering that each of them have endured over the years at the hands of others and because of poor decisions. I am also undone by the relentless love of their God and the growth of each of them in their own walk and relationship with a God who is way more vigilant and protective than I could ever hope to be.

So, I just got off the phone with the earlier mentioned YWAM daughter who was fighting a long-term sinus illness and was thinking, as she talked, that she should check in with a doctor about this lingering cold. Then, near the end of the conversation she said that, by the way, she was planning on calling her doctor if she wasn’t better in the next day or two. Oh yeah, this is the daughter who on the other side of the world from me with no phone connections to mama, managed being incredibly ill a couple of weeks in Thailand and India, not to mention several other “close call” scenarios, as well as running out of money. When will I ever learn? Hmmm, I think that Van Morrison wrote a great song with those lyrics.

Marsha Lang

Music Monday: Kind of Blue

2009-08-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

Last Week (8/17/2009) marked the 50th year anniversary of the release of Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue. This album also features (among others) Cannonball Adderley on alto sax, John Coltrane on tenor and Bill Evans on piano. This album is a landmark as it was the first major post bebop jazz album. Davis had begun to feel limited by bebop, which is based on complex chord changes, and set off on a new path of modal (scale based) jazz.
The album was recorded in two sessions, Davis simply handed out notes before each song showing the scales and melody lines to be improvised off of – gave brief instructions, then started taping. Because of the supreme talent of the players involved it made for an amazing album. Improvisation works incredibly well when all of the improvisers have something to say.
Unfortunately for jazz this record could be seen as the beginning of the end, or at least a significant decline. The record spawned a lot of lesser copies. Many musicians began to simply play whatever came to their minds instead of playing with a sense of purpose. A lack of cohesion in addition to a lack of inspiration led to noodling instead of brilliance and rock and roll came in with simple chord arrangements and bright melodies to fill the void left in the wake of Charlie Parker’s bebop.
This record (and many others such as my personal favorite, Coltrane’s “A Love Supreme”) avoid those pitfalls because the musicians clearly have something to say, their melodies are lyrical, the changes in scales happen for a reason, the emotion is evident. It might be loose – but it is inspired.
So this is all fine and good, but this is a church’s blog, why am I writing this? We who are Christians have attained great freedom through Christ. We are no longer bound by sin, we are freed through Him. When we take that freedom, are inspired by our God, and seek to apply that in beautiful and purposeful ways: amazing things happen. When we lose focus on our God who gives us freedom we begin to focus on our freedom. At that point we are noodling. What comes out then is us, not God. And we make much lesser music.
I encourage you all to play Kind of Blue today – it has to be one of the most versatile records ever. I enjoy it as background music, and when I am able to focus on it.

-Jason Wilson

Theology in conversation

2009-08-21T05:22:00.000-07:00

My friend meant it as a harmless rejoinder to our conversation about whether there was a plan for everything, but the simple question, "Then how can you consider yourself a spiritual person?" blew me away. It had been a long time since someone has pushed me on my faith resolve, but it was clear that it was one of those moments that was truly a message from God to redouble my reflection about my personal faith. Since that evening a few weeks ago, I have been uncomfortable in my faith skin. It was like I was dug in to the batter's box and was hanging over the inside of the plate, and then she threw a high, hard one, and I haven't been comfortable in the box since.

The origin of my discomfort comes from having an opinion about predestination. And, not just that but also realizing that it is grounded in logic and reason and not necessarily theological basis. I have found myself in this situation with growing frequency since I have allowed the shell around my faith to crack in the comforts of the Riverside family. In a search for dialogue and to provide full disclosure of my conversation that brought me to this quandary, here are my thoughts on predestination. God decides a lot of things, but doesn't micromanage the world. I believe in the macro/micro world. I'm sure that there are many Christians that would disagree and some that would feel good to have someone else in their camp, but this is where I am currently. I believe that all of my opinions are fluid, but I hope that they are wandering closer and closer to the truth as I pursue new information.

Before today, I was ready to answer that my views on predestination do still allow me to claim to be a spiritual person, but then Brian died. Brian is a friend and co-worker. I was ready to write this entry before I walked into school this morning, and then I learned that a tragedy had struck, a co-worker died from what appears to be a massive heart attack. Now predestination became real and personal. It became something with a context. It was no longer some mental exercise for me. Did God plan for Brian to die on Sunday night? I recognize that I live in a world with a perspective too small to understand God's decisions, but now I have to ask whether this was a macro or micro situation, and I have no idea. I am lost, and Brian is gone. It is amazing how quickly we are knocked from our faith perch. It took me two weeks to digest the simple question about how my view on predestination jives with being a Christian, but this shock to the system may take a lot longer.

-Dr. Robert Dillon

Post-Script: While Bob articulates his views in a logical way, they are not far off from Riverside's basic stance on this issue. If you would like to look into the issue further, the term that probably summarizes our position well (for a short conversation) is "Compatabilism".

Why you should come to On Tap Tonight

2009-08-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

So, we have been doing On Tap for over three years as a church and the purpose of it - at least any kind of pure purpose - alludes my understanding. But, I will take a shot :)

Pubs and bars used to be places where people went to discuss important and relevant things. Prior to Twitter, the ever-presence of the BBC, and XM Radio people used to talk to each other more directly. What is even more crazy is that we used to disagree well, we used to discuss things together, and it used to stretch us as human beings.

At On Tap there is no 'teaching'. There is no 'leader'. There is a moderator, and if you have been to On Tap when we discuss political topics, you know why #1 we have to have a moderator and #2 we (now) ask people to raise their hands. Instead we have an agreed upon topic and we attempt to discuss and learn. Tonight we are discussing the importance of Social Networking (Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, blogs). Some people (like myself) are listening okay and also thinking about what we want to say. Some are (believe it or not) more obnoxious than I am. And many, listen very well, and when they speak up people listen intently.

We are assuming that disagreements are okay. We are assuming that God meant what he said throughout the Bible about community - it is more difficult than island-living in some ways, but it is worth the trouble. We are assuming that we have things to learn, from whoever happens to show up that particular evening. And, even as I write "we", I am aware that someone "new" always wanders in. Sometimes someone from the Riverside Community, but more often it is a friend of someone who comes to On Tap. If Facebook is accurate, several friends of one of our favorite servers are attending tonight.

Anyway, I hope you can join us tonight. I know many don't like open-forum discussions. No big deal, On Tap isn't your thing. But I think if you're able to come you will find it is worth it. And I will finally point out that my favorite part are the conversations that happen after the official conversation is over. It is simply fun to get to know new people, and to grow deeper in other friendships. 7:00 at Llywelyn's in WG

Are you social? Why or why not?

2009-08-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow night's On Tap will be about Social Networking. Do me a favor and tell me why you use Twitter. Or, tell me why you do not use it. Why you love it, or why you hate it. Or why you could not care less... Or you can talk about Facebook if you want. Same questions. Thanks for your time!

-Matt Blazer

Parenting Page: "I'm Sorry"

2009-08-18T05:42:00.000-07:00

There are a myriad of things I never pictured would be part of my life as a parent: poop… Poop in so many places you never wanted to poop to be; pacing the floors at 3am with a baby who’s been screaming for two hours; the way my belly button sinks into this donut shape flap of wrinkled skin; peeing on the side of the road because I’d rather be arrested for indecent exposure than un-strap all 3 of my kids and corral them in a gas station bathroom; and nursing, changing a diaper, and going to the bathroom all at the same time. How is that for TMI!

There are also a myriad of things I never thought I would say as a parent: “Stop stuffing peas down your shirt”; “Take your brother out of that headlock”; “Who’s poop is this on the floor?”; and “No, you may not try to fit into the dishwasher.”

Of all the many things that come out of my mouth that cause me to think, “I can’t believe I’m saying that,” the hardest thing for me to say continues to be “I’m sorry.”

I have learned through the years at Riverside that we cannot expect to be perfect or treat each other perfectly. I have learned that living the gospel in relationships is being willing to confess when you’ve been wrong and apologize. I have read in parenting books and heard parenting sermons on the incredible value of saying sorry to our children. I tell my children God loves to hear us say sorry. In my head, I get it.

I get the frustration of knowing in your gut your parents are wrong and feeling crazy because they won’t admit it — I’ve lived that life. I get that confessing our failures to our kids teaches them they don’t have to be perfect. I get that if we want them to be free to make mistakes, we have to not hide our mistakes in shame. I get it…in my head.

But the connection between what I get in my head and what I actually live out in my life is often lost. Many times I find myself defending my inappropriate actions to Tyler when I’ve clearly wronged him, shifting the blame for my behavior to him, or continuing in a course of action that I know is wrong because I’d have to admit I’m wrong to stop.

What’s even more telling of what I truly believe in my heart is how I behave after I’ve wronged one of my children. Rather than admit my fault, I try to demonstrate, with gusto, my love for them in other ways. I’ll do what I can to appease my guilt and try to assure them that I’m still a good mom and vow to do better the next time without ever confessing to them or looking to God for forgiveness.

In my head I get the necessity for saying sorry but in my heart I live in fear that each time I mess up, my kids are more likely to be doomed to the life of a serial killer. So, rather than admit I’ve messed up and need God; I pretend I did no wrong or work harder to make up for it. Last week, I felt like God broke into the fear of my heart with a simple, “Remember me?”

“Remember that I am working on behalf of your children. Remember that it’s not up to you how they turn out, entrust them to me. Remember that I am bigger than the wounds you’ve received in your life and bigger than the wounds you will inflict on your children. Remember most of all that I paid for your mistakes on the cross and I am the atonement for your sins. Remember it is my love that covers a multitude of sins. Remember it’s not up to you to make it right, I have already made it right”

God in your mercy, help me remember.

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your loving kindness; according to the multitude of your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin” Psalm 51:1-2

Music Monday

2009-08-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

Music moves me. Where? Into segments and times in my life. Into memories good and bad. It moves me to tears when I am not sad and euphoria when I am just hanging out. I think that if it weren't for music and the power that it wields in my life, I would feel an emptiness, a flatness that would be unbearable.

I am listening to some old Crosby, Stills, and Nash and being transported into another realm, not good and not bad, just different than where I am now.
I remember watching Josh (our now 31 year old son) as a toddler in diapers run to the living room anytime a certain song by Steely Dan came on our stereo. He would bounce up and down and throw himself into the song and the moment. I realized at that point that we are all born with an inherent response to music and rhythm. It doesn't always translate into being a musician, singer, or even a person with the ability to stay on pitch. It does translate into a part of ourselves that is touched only by music.
Why does everyone have a favorite song, or make mixes that are all about a season. or event, or an era? Because music touches something deep and primal in all of us and captivates that part of our soul that lays dormant to be awakened only by the kiss of a note, a melody, a rhythm.

My first conscious memory of loving music and loving how it transported me somewhere was as a little girl. My dad would play Ravel's "Bolero" on our Hi Fi (yep that's what we called our record players back then, high fidelity:) I totally imagined the march into the stadium of the bullfighters in Spain. I had no idea what either of those really were at that time, but the music literally painted the picture and the emotion for me. I was hooked. "Stomp" was an amazing odyssey into rhythm and joy of sound and movement that turned my head and heart more recently. My dad always inspired me through playing the piano, and having an amazing well-rounded record collection. My mom, alas, was tone deaf, but that didn't stop her from loving music and dancing to it (my parents were amazing dancers!).

To me I saw music as something to love and find joy in even when hard times happened. Every relationship, every stage of high school and college and beyond has its musical score and when a strain of one of those songs hits my ears it hits my heart as well.
Our creator knew what he was doing. There is rhythm and melody all around us everywhere, everyday, for everyone.

What piece of music has moved you recently and why? What older piece of music draws you back to an earlier season in your life?

-Marsha Lang

Don't think, just comment

2009-08-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

What was the last thing you played on your IPOD? In lieu of Music Monday, let's just see what everyone has been listening to today. Could also be the last song you remember hearing on the radio or the last CD you put in...

Don't be shy, just comment. For me it was Patty Griffin.

-Matt Blazer

Known Traditions

2009-08-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

Often I find myself saying, "does that make sense?" during conversations. It's like I have to check in with others to feel connected. I want to be understood and accepted. Growing up we had 2 traditions, eat lots of food, the same food, every year on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Breakfast was always normal breakfast food and then a special fruit salad only made on that day. Those are great traditions but I am excited about creating new ones for my family that are about church friendships and community as well as blood relations. I informed my good friend that I was inviting myself FOREVER to watch 4th of July fireworks and Trick or Treat on Halloween with them and here is why. My kids love their kids. Sam and I love their parents. When we get together with all of the kids (six soon to be eight) it is crazy and fun and when my kids throw tantrums I don't feel like I have to apologize and when there is a poopy diaper we just change it and move on. It is riskier in the long run to try and grow friendships because when a bump comes along (as it inevitably will with friends,) I fear there is an option to cut and run. I get so afraid of rejection that I plan out a route to run super fast. With family I always feel they have to love me and can't leave. I get afraid friends will leave because there are no ties that bind. I am slowly learning that the kind of friends Sam and I have made in the past few years do come with ties and they bind. Underneath the fear, the humanness, we share a belief in Christ and it binds us. I want to be the kind of parent that raises my children to know Jesus and I need help to do that. I can’t do it in a vacuum. I can do it with friendships, with church, with our house-group and playgroups and lots of phone calls. So, even though I get afraid and sometimes don’t want to be known, it’s become a priority in my life to be known, however risky it may be.

-Greta Coalier

Dancing the Night Away

2009-08-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

Lately my daughter and I have ended our evenings with a dance session. This probably isn't the wisest way to wind down from a long day, but it is a fun one. The song above is one of our favorites to dance the night away with (poorly in my case).

Dancing with my daughter has led me to think about why music and/or dancing brings us so much joy. What is it about beats, melodies, chord progressions and lyrics that can sway our bodies and emotions? At the moment this seems to me to be unanswerable. While I am sure that the scientific view has some merit on the issue it is utterly unsatisfying in my opinion. This in turn makes me very uncomfortable trying to describe music's effect because I can't make it logical...and I love making things logical (even when they aren't). As much as I would like to I can't explain why I love jazz and dislike country music, or why I love Radiohead and I don't like Coldplay. I can talk about lots of factors, but I can't explain the core. In other words, my preferences aren't "right" by any objective standard they are simply, and only, my preferences.

At this moment, instead of trying to think through those things I just want to thank God for giving us the creativity and ingenuity to make music. I think it is a gift from God that we have devices such as music and art that, though useless in the utilitarian sense, bring so much depth to our lives. I feel like music gives me a little sense of the more abstract, indescribable aspects of my God, and for this I am grateful - and so is my daughter.

-Jason Wilson

Finding Innocence America

2009-07-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

For seven years now, I have joined a group of friends during the last week of July to participate in RAGBRAI. The (Des Moines) Registrer's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa is a bike ride for 10,000 people. The ride lasts for seven days and covers between 400-500 miles. Iowa towns receive a nice economic impact, and the riders get to experience what I have now realized as "Innocence America". The event is hard to describe, but most of the 10,000 riders travel in teams with team busses and vehicles that support the riders by scouting out camping spots and hauling luggage to the overnight towns. The riders begin their morning at their leisure, but for most this mean beginning their pedalling between 5:30-7:30. Along the way, there are designated towns every 8-15 miles that are prepared for the surge in population. These towns provide food, water, entertainment, places to rest, and most importantly they give the soul of their community to the event, and this is truly the special piece of the event. Rural America shows how welcoming, open, and giving that people are at the core. They create an environment that is innocent and pure and reeks with the sense of community that we long for as Christians. It isn't rare to have families opening their homes for people to camp, rest, share a glass of lemonade, or just lift their spirits. The residents of Iowa pour to the edge of their property to watch the parade of 10,000 bikes zoom past their houses and farms. There are signs and multiple generations of families that sit waving to all that pass. As a rider, you have an opportunity to talk and be with riders from every state in the union and many other countries. These conversations aren't about status or career, but they are the simple conversation that fill the morning trips to rural coffee shop. They are about the weather, the beauty of the countryside, family, and the joy of not being plugged into our media IV. In the evenings, the final town of the day takes on a carnival feel with food and music. The music is local bands that vary in quality and the food is local and it is awesome. The cattlemen and the pork producer provide great ribeye sandwiches and pulled pork. The farmers have tremendous sweet corn, and each local church and organization bake some of the best pies in the world. For food people, this is heaven. Well, maybe not heaven, but it is a piece of how innocent, gentle, and caring that our America can be. Many people can't take a week to check out and experience RAGBRAI, but changing our routine while immersed in natural beauty with caring people should be a part of our Christrian journey as it allows us to have new perspective and time for reflection. Explore the possibility of unplugging and searching for the innocence of America. National Geography Adventurer calls RAGBRAI the seventh best American Adventure, and the website www.ragbrai.org keys you into the pictures of the this year's event. The pictures do truly speak 1000 words about the event. I'll be there in 2010, and if your ready to experience the innocence, there is room on the bus for you too.

-Bob Dillon... Dr. Bob Dillon

Parenting Page: "Reruns"

2009-07-28T11:43:00.001-07:00

At age 52, so many of my days blur together into a vague repetition of moments I've already experienced. Sometimes I can't quite put my finger on when or where they've happened before. But this week the déjà vu has been anything but vague. With frightening clarity I've been watching the rerun of a bad television show I saw years ago but never figured out how to erase.

It started out on Monday when I was holding a 4-year old on my lap at work. I won't go into her history, but it sucks. She'd been crying all morning because the impending visit with her 19-year-old mom had been cancelled. Mom had run away from the group home where she lived, and somehow her little girl had found out she was gone. After sobbing for over an hour and feeling very desperate and hopeless, she looked up at me and said, "Will you look for my mom on your way home?" It was one of those moments when I wanted to ask God what the hell he was thinking, and why do kids have to go through such nightmares before they can even recite the alphabet. But I knew, even as I was contemplating the outcome of such a meeting with the Almighty, that it wasn't just this little girl with the tear-soaked shirt that made me feel physically sick and emotionally exhausted. It was the show in my head that keeps playing over and over again.

When you get screwed by your parents, you never get over it. I know, because I'm a therapist, and I've gotten screwed. People in our lives are so unpredictable. It's a wonder we love anyone, but we do. And sometimes things go terribly wrong. The last time I spoke to my brother, he told me to "get over it." That was in 2004.

So, back to my rerun. After work Monday I went out with a friend I had wanted to get to know better. She told me all about her trip to see her parents and how happy she was that they have been so supportive of her. Then, the inevitable question, "So, tell me about your parents. Are they in town?" I politely told her that they didn't live in St. Louis, and quickly changed the subject. We'll go there another day, a day when I haven’t already used up my emotional quota.

The rest of this week has not gone much better. Episode after episode plays in my head as I helplessly search for the delete button. The boundaries between reruns and the feature presentation become confused. It’s like going to see a movie at the theatre and being sucked into the previews at the beginning. Only my previews are trailers of old movies and the images they leave behind keep me from focusing on the movie I came to watch.

This morning I sat on the back porch for my usual time of meditation before heading out to work. The Almighty had been watching and listening all week and decided it was time to speak up. Even though I had cancelled my appointment with him, he wanted to meet with me. And he always gets his way. As I opened the book I've been reading by Henri Nouwen, there it was. Henri thinks he wrote page 17, but I'm quite sure when he wrote it 30 years ago he had a co-author who was thinking of me. It talked about how, inside all of us, are a lion and a lamb. The lamb is the vulnerable part of us that needs nurturing, affection, support. The lion is the confident part of ourselves that can take action and be assertive. But the lamb needs to learn to make friends with the lion so that they can lie down together. That’s my problem. I haven’t made friends with the lamb. I see it as the enemy. But really it’s my vulnerability, my pain that I am fighting, my need for God that I am denying.

I hate my reruns. But I need to make friends with them. To not allow them to be bigger than they are. After all, they are only reruns. As such, they will play again. Maybe tonight, maybe in a month. But I am living in the Feature Presentation, and my screenwriter is amazing.

-Carolyn

Music Monday is back: Pop Poetry, v2

2009-07-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

You Found Me

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world

This song by The Fray grabbed me the first time that I heard it. I've always liked The Fray, but it was the lyrics that really got my attention. While listening I thought to myself, "Is he talking about God? He is, and he's mad. Oh, he's kind of letting God have it. Is that okay?"

Is it okay to give God a piece of my mind; to let him know when I feel like he's totally let me down and just left me? Do I have the right to ask God why? I felt a little uncomfortable listening to the lyrics. I think it was hitting too close to home. When I started to think about it I realized that this man, Isaac Slade, is certainly not the first to shake his fist at God and ask why. Here are some examples:

King David, called by God, "A man after my own heart," Acts 22:13
Why, O LORD, do you stand far away?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? - Psalm 10:1

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest. - Psalm 22:1,2

Job, called by God, "a blameless and upright man," Job 2
How long will you not look away from me,
nor leave me alone till I swallow my spit?
If I sin, what do I do to you, you watcher of mankind?
Why have you made me your mark?
Why have I become a burden to you? - Job 7:19,20
Jeremiah, a prophet of God
Why have you struck us down so that there is no healing for us? We looked for peace, but no good came;

for a time of healing, but behold, terror. - Jeremiah 14:19

These examples merely scratch the surface of people in the Bible who question the Lord. When I think about it, Isaac Slade might be more free in his relationship to God than I am. Hmmmm...

Not really a comforting thought

shoot

2009-07-14T23:00:00.001-07:00

We are once again working on the blog, its purpose, etc.

In the meantime, comment on what you would like to see that hasn't been there. And, if you can be nice... tell us what you have not liked.

In the meantime check out Donald Miller's Blog

Or Andy Crouch's Website where I (Matt Blazer) regularly steal thoughts and ideas: it's called "Culture Making"

And finally, some really cool music with a great back story

A Brainwashed Parent/Wife

2009-07-08T17:31:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time focusing on what needs to be done right now. I'm finding myself distracted by little cleaning/organizing projects. I know exactly what is going on in my head - I'm trying to gain control, no matter how small. Why? Because I can't control the big things. I can't control the economy and how it's affecting us, I can't control my husband and for sure can't control my kids. So cleaning and organizing a couple of dresser drawers feels great right now. Although I know it's not the answer.

What I do know is that what goes in comes out, of my head that is. If I fill it with all the negatives that are going on right now, with all the self-induced feelings of depravity that I'm feeling from our budget cuts, with all the "I deserve's" that are running through my head on a daily basis now-I'm going to feel rotten and act like a jerk.

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." And man — there are SO many things I that are worthy of praise in my life, but because of the place I've been stuck I've been dwelling on the things that I have been lacking.

This is where brainwashing needs to happen for me. Instead of organizing drawers, I need to be in His Word, spend time practicing gratitude and focusing on God's promises for me. Along with that, not spending so much time absorbed in the newest CB2 catalog or shopping blogs I frequent on a regular basis — these habits surely do not help my feelings of depravity.

Is there an area of your life where you need some brainwashing? If so, what does that look like for you?

-Jill Peel

Battlestar Galactica… the Final Frontier

2009-07-08T07:55:00.000-07:00

Battlestar Galactica… the Final Frontier

If you are as big of a sci-fi nerd as I am, the title of this blog post probably made you slightly uneasy. Blatantly co-mingling two different cultural phenomenons’ in a single headline is blasphemy to many. To this nerd, it’s all the same. Yes, I like sci-fi. I’ve loved anything to do with space and the alternate realities that are so imaginatively portrayed in movies as palatable as Star Wars to shows as courageous as Babylon 5 or Firefly. One of my favorite television series of all time recently came to its pre-destined 4-year finale. No, this is not the campy one season 70’s television show starring Dirk Benedict (aka Face Man from the A-Team). I’m talking about the Sci-Fi channels original re-invention that began in 2004 and ended in 2009. I must admit, I was skeptical to say the least. If you watch the mini-series, which kicks the whole show to life, there is a lot going on, it’s a bit confusing, and it leaves you somewhat desperately hanging. As the show proceeds, the character development, plot twists and the exploration of deep philosophical morays about fighting for the survival of a race, being homeless (planet-less no less), establishment of government, factions of religion and cultural struggles - all take what many see at first glance as a campy sci-fi show, and creates a brilliant story.

While this show really deserves about 12 individual blog-posts by itself, for now, I wanted to explore one of the show’s largest criticisms. I have recently read several blog-posts from the science fiction, television and journalistic elite taking issue with some of the subtle (or not so subtle) use of biblical allegory that the show uses. It is certainly clear that the show borrows elements of biblical truth in its exploration of religion and culture of the Capricans (native human beings on the show). For instance, like the 12 disciples, there are 12 Cylons who each have a special trait or gift, they all have a common purpose and when they are together they have a greater intensity for that purpose. There are also the Greek vs. Roman exploration of a one God, vs. multiple gods. My personal favorite though was a dialogue between two of the Cylons (a creation speaking to its creator about the woes of being designed or given the ability to feel and to hurt and to suffer and to feel limitation). It was a powerful dialogue in one of the last 5 episodes of the show that did a great job of asking many of the questions that we all ask. Many of the critical community think any kind of biblical overtones are cheap or just a crutch for not being inventive at story-telling, yet the mass critical acclaim and highest ratings for a Sci-Fi show ever would suggest that even today, biblical truth in any medium is not a detractor. If anything, it helps serve a larger purpose of engaging a watcher into a story that asks the same questions that the bible addressed thousands and thousands of years ago.

I think the plain and simple fact here is that the Bible transcends culture, time, place, ethnicity and medium. So often we (as the Christian Community) have tried to create our own avenues for sharing God’s truth thru false or underwhelming stories. Why not (like Paul in Athens) use the ones that are so prevalent in our culture already? The more we separate the sacred from the secular, the more we miss an opportunity to have a shared experience with someone who might never set foot in a church. Lets continue to look for examples around us in our culture to help us actively engage with those who might not share the same worldview as us.

So go on out and buy that “What would Gaius Baltar do?” T-shirt and hang out at the next Star Trek convention. Besides picking up chicks, you might just bring home a convert in the process.

“So Say We All”

- Josh Hogan

Pop Poetry, v1

2009-07-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

If you're a self professed music snob like myself, you would not think the words pop and poetry belong in the same sentence. Really, it's more of an oxymoron.

However, I've found myself listening to pop on the radio a lot recently, and I've been surprised by what I've heard in the lyrics. A lot of the songs have deep spiritual truths in them. I don't know if the writers of these songs intended on their lyrics addressing the spiritual, but they definitely do. I have many examples but I'm going to keep it to one song per post, hence the v1.

My first example is a song by the band Parachute. The lyrics are below. Imagine if he weren't singing about a girlfriend here.

God is love. All love is a gift from God. Whether the writer realizes it or not, he understands the love story between us and God.

Parachute VA
She Is Love lyrics

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She's all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

Cause when that world slows down, dear.
And when those stars burn out, here.
Oh she'll be there, yes she'll be there,
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I need.

To watch the music video on You Tube click HERE

- Natalie Wilson

Dirty Little Secrets

2009-06-30T19:33:00.001-07:00

It's been one week of summer at the janous household and I can already tell it's going to be a long one. The thing I hate the most is that I always swore I would never be a mom that dreaded summers. But, one of the things motherhood has taught me is how to eat the many words I said before I was a mom.

That is one of the reasons I love my new book: I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids. In my last post I talked about my fast from parenting how-to books which is one of the things I love about this book. Distancing itself from the how-to's, this book does a fantastic job of bringing to light what all of us struggle with as parents. The authors are two moms who became friends when their children were born and they found motherhood to be more overwhelming than they'd expected. Author Amy Nobile says, "I didn't feel I had permission to talk abotu how hard motherhood really was." This started a quest to discover if other moms were going through the same thing. This book was born out of their conversations with hundreds of women.

I found out about this book on a show Oprah did about mothers. The show was full of mothers confessing their "dirty little secrets." These secrets from moms are scattered throughout the book too. The show was hilarious and if you have five minutes, it's worth taking a look at.

The authors spoke on the show about the process of interviewing mothers and how difficult it was to get women to open up with what they really felt about motherhood. "We feel like we don't have permission to admit that it's really hard, so we're all walking around with these smiles on our faces, but really we feel alone," Amy says.

I think this statement speaks volumes to any woman, but it needs to speak especially to those of us in the church. If we are truly seeking our identity in Christ, not in who we are as mothers or how we feel about motherhood, then we should have the freedom to be honest. More than any other community, the church should feel like the place where your motherhood is not under examination, your individuality is appreciated, and you are free from fear of failure.

Do we have that type of community at Riverside? Has that been your experience? Before we start a dialogue on this I encourage you to ask yourself in what ways you've helped or hurt an atmosphere of honesty. I know I've been humbled through the years and still have some more humility to learn. God is breaking me of the need to have it together and appear "in control" of my children. I am convicted that just by living like I need to have it together in front of other moms creates an atmosphere that makes other feel like they have to as well. I commit to you, my community of moms at Riverside, to try to live more honestly in front of you and at home.

In the spirit of honesty here are just five of my "dirty little secrets";

On a good week my children get two baths. Many times we are lucky to get one in a week.
I didn't start brushing Tyler's teeth until he was three and even now it's sporadic at best.
I've bleached my two-year old son's facial hair.
I yell at my children way too much and in ways that would completely mortify me if anyone heard me.
I don't like motherhood as much as I thought I would.

- Kim Janous

Music of the Mundane

2009-06-29T20:56:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of seeing The Decemberists in concert for the third time. They were playing their new album, The Hazards of Love, straight through, which was appropriate since the whole album is a continuous story, a rock-opera really, that tells the tale of a shape-shifting beast who kidnaps and impregnates a young girl at the behest of an evil queen who is intent on keeping said girl from her adopted son. In typical Decemberist’s fashion, the young lovers die together at the end as they recite their wedding vows to one another on a sinking ship. It’s really not as bizarre as it sounds…in fact, I titled this post Music of the Mundane precisely because I find that so much of their music celebrates the mundane aspects of life, apologizing for losing a friend’s bike, awkward romances and subsequent break-ups…and occasionally they throw in a song about a man who finds a crane who he nurses back to health and then marries, you know, the stuff of everyday life.

What I find fascinating about their music, is that even at their most fantastical and ridiculous (hands down The Mariner’s Revenge) they are really just telling stories. They’re poets with almost no concern for metaphor. It’s almost as if their music is there just to recount tales, with rarely and agenda or concern for greater meaning. But what I love is that I find their music incredibly meaningful in that it celebrates life in such a way as not to belittle any experience, profession or relationship. It celebrates the most ordinary, and extraordinary, aspects of life, and holds them side-by-side as equally significant, and really not that different.

- Brian Janous

Exploration

2009-06-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

An odd idea popped into a conversation with a friend the other evening over drinks. It was one of those ideas that exposes my limited biblical knowledge, but an idea that helps me to engage in Christian thinking in a way that is exciting and interesting. The idea was this...Did Jesus choose the disciples or did the disciples choose Jesus?

My friend initial scoffed at the question, and I guess her reaction was based on her belief that God is omniscience so Jesus certainly had the disciples picked out ahead of time. The logic would then proceed that he knew the exact combination of people that he wanted to truly become followers. The perfect combination of strengths and weaknesses to form this cohesive band of brothers that could carry on his word after his death and ressurrection. Jesus in this thinking would be the master of group dynamics, organizational management, and systems thinking.

I sometimes wonder if it would be easier to stop my thinking, call the above statement a fact and move on, but something doesn't seem complete in this line of thinking. Is it possible that Jesus allowed for his disciples to grow a bit more organically with folks drifting into the center, testing the water of sacrifice and travel and then declining the opportunity until there was a solid group of great men to travel and grow together? Maybe Jesus knew that he could mold whatever individuals eventually committed to being with him. Did he really need a tax collector or fisherman? Sure, they both provide great metaphor, but if they were substituted with men from other professions, Jesus could have still turned them into great disciples for the cause, right?

It would be difficult to imagine that there weren't hundreds of people trying to be a part of the inner circle. Some probably lasted days or weeks in their efforts until it became too hard. Others probably stopped believing in Jesus as Lord and Savior, while others probably bowed to other pressures. The twelve disciples in my mind seem to have been hardened and nutured through a more complex selection process, one that called for sacrifice and faith. The final 12 disciples seem as though they were culled from a larger mass of interested followers, and not appointed on day one by Jesus as chosen ones.

I am certain that there are much wiser biblical scholars out there that can speak to this question, but the beauty of the Riverside community is that we allow individuals to explore faith in a variety of ways. I need this space to explore my thinking and questions about faith without a one sentence answer or judgement placed on my growing interesting in matters of faith. I hope that my entries continue to start conversations, disrupt easy answers, and frustrate conventional wisdom.

- Dr. Robert Dillon

The thing about Oprah is....

2009-06-24T19:01:00.000-07:00

There are several things I love about this clip:

1. It’s from 30 Rock, my favorite show.

2. It has Oprah in it.

3. Saltwater taffy is mentioned...twice

4. Did I mention it has Oprah?

5. Bowel movements are also mentioned (you might recall my preference for a good poop joke)

6. Tina Fey is a genius who manages to expose my own deep desire to idolize people before my creator...namely, Oprah (at least in this clip).

I love Oprah. I think she is a smart lady. She has what must be the greatest job in the world, and she gets paid a lot to do it. She gives to charity, she builds schools in Africa, she takes her employees on Mediterranean cruises. If you don’t like Oprah, you probably just don’t watch her show enough. It’s on at 4 pm on KSDK, just in case you’re curious. My favorites are the ones with Dr. Oz. He has taught me a lot about my bowels.

However, from the perspective of a christian, here’s the thing about Oprah: She’s an idol. Perhaps the original ‘american idol’. She has millions of followers. People wait for years to get tickets to her show. They blindly follow her advise on topics ranging from finances, health, spirituality and entertainment. People look to Oprah to tell them what to use, say, feel, do, and even think. I personally will admit to being a member of The Oprah Book Club. It’s not like I need to be, I read quite a lot on my own. But Oprah invited me to join, so I thought 'why not'? Turns out though, most of those books are really depressing. Good, but depressing.

Idolatry is no joke for God. He doesn’t like it one bit. He warns against it all over the place in the Bible. People pay some crazy penalties for worshiping false idols (sorry Israel, you brought that on yourself). There is the whole first and second commandments thing. And then later on, in Romans 1:25, Paul lays it out like this: “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.” Oh snap!

I’m glad that God is jealous. My heart is so prone to idolize things/people that don’t want or deserve my worship. That’s what is so tricky about examining our ‘culture’, at least for me. I have to keep my guard up. I enjoy a good story so much that I often lose myself in it. I listen to music and feel like the songwriter is ‘singing my life with their words.’ And sometimes, I admire people (artists) to the point where I would gladly trade my life situation for their own. The real trick for me is to step back and give glory to the Creator, not the creation. It’s not easy. I’m still figuring that out. I'm sure I'll get it soon though, right?

That’s what I love the most about this 30 Rock clip. Tina Fey exposes my own personal struggle with Oprah worship in a clever and hilarious way. The good news is that I can confidently say that while I do adore Miss Winfrey, I have done my best not to dip her in gold and pray to her image. Not anymore, at least.

-Anne Simon

A Daughter’s Reflection/My Mother’s Eyes

2009-06-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

I sit in the driver’s seat uncomfortably aware of my elderly mother staring at me. I steal a quick glance at her and state more than ask, “What?”

“Nothing,” she replies, “Just looking at you.”

“Oh,” I reply, mildly annoyed.

This has happened on other occasions in the past year and I think, “This is just part of the getting older scene. Less tact, less inhibitions, a certain rudeness or inappropriateness of social behavior that seems to come with the terrain.”

Later, I speak with my girlfriend about this and how it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Over the phone, across the miles her reply takes a moment to be formed. Then, “Don’t you ever, or haven’t you ever found yourself staring at your girls, just wanting to drink them in? I mean, it’s as if I am trying to memorize every plane and detail of Em’s facial features. All the subtle nuances, the essence of who this daughter of mine is. Don’t you think that maybe that’s what your mom may be doing?”

I am stopped short by this. My mom and I have never connected well emotionally. She admits she never was good at showing affection. She said that physical affection was never a part of her family dynamics growing up, but she never doubted that she was loved. I thrived on physical displays of affection and affirmation and only my dad did that. I needed my mother’s love that way. Parts of me were stunted by its absence.

Maybe now in the twighlight of her life she is trying to somehow connect with me on an emotional level. She certainly has become more desirous of hugs, when I arrive and when I leave. And, she holds on longer and longer each time.

Maybe she’s afraid of forgetting me, losing me, either because her mind is changing rapidly and she’s aware of it, or because she knows she’s closer every day to leaving this realm. Maybe she’s trying to commit me to memory, this woman who’s complicated and struggling with her and her demise; commit her memory of me to a place deep in her heart that will never slip away. Maybe she fears losing me in her memory as much as I fear it.

Maybe she just realized all the years she let go by without holding, touching, and loving me the way I thought I needed it and now is pouring her love and affection into me by this one act. By absorbing me through the windows to her soul, her eyes, and holding me there in her mother’s heart for eternity.

Maybe, God in his wisdom knew that in order to love my own daughters and son well, lavishing physical affection on them as they grew up and once they were adults, I needed to be starved of that in my own life. Then, in the intricate thread of His redemption woven into my life and the remaking of my life’s story, on all levels, He used that hunger for me to know and understand the power of a mother’s heart and affection in her child’s life. Maybe in the midst of it all I am finally being loved and held in the arms of my mom through His amazing grace and during this last chapter and season of our lives together here!

- Marsha Lang

Sometimes it isn't ironic, it just sucks.

2009-06-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

I play guitar for Riverside once a month or so. Last Sunday I played, and completely butchered, a classic hymn. For those of you who took piano lessons, the song was supposed to be in 3/4 and I started it up in 4/4. For those of you who didn't take piano lessons there was one beat too many every line. Basically I accidently caused a classic song that everyone knows to have a bit of a swing. Much to the credit of the other four musicians onstage we made it through the song, and it even started sounding kind of cool the last couple of verses.

Most of the congregation probably couldn't have told you what exactly was wrong with the song, but I assure you most of the congregation thought that if felt wrong. The reason I am telling you all of this is that I feel that it is very similar to sin in my life. There are so many things that I fail in daily. Things that I know about, and am embarrassed by. Even though very few people at church yesterday knew I was the one who messed up the song, I knew, and I felt shame (I'm over it now though).

Also, like yesterday, there are a few people around me who are quite aware of it when I sin. My family and close friends feel the direct consequences just like the band in being forced to adjust to my error.

Finally, the big picture. My sin might not directly effect everyone I come in contact with daily, but due to my imperfect nature things are just a bit off, they don't quite feel right, just like that hymn yesterday.

Fortunately we have a perfect savior. Despite my sin, God uses me and sanctifies me. Despite my screw up yesterday God's name was praised...be thou my vision, oh Ruler of all.

Planet Reebok

2009-06-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

The current series at Riverside is on the beatitudes, and yesterday we explored, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the Earth."

One of the illustrations I dropped during my sermon was about basketball. I play on a team with some old friends and some guys from the church. Matt McReynolds would tell you he is not very meek... Anyway, last Monday we got killed. During the thrashing the other team was talking a lot of smack/junk/trash. Their captain in particular likes to talk for most of the game. This became funny when Doug Coleman began harassing him all over the court. Doug, strong as an ox with a huge grin on his face, talking back (but kindly) and telling me later, "I just wanted to mess with him to see what he would do... grown men shouldn't act the way he was acting." Doug can do that because the other man couldn't just squash doug with a finger (like he could to me). I should also mention that this particular team thinks Steve Bell is Kobe.

ANYWAY, what I noticed is that they talk a lot more when winning. When we have beaten them they talk to the referees.

This also reminded me of playing pick up basketball in college. There are 50 guys I can think of - that I played with hundreds of times throughout my time at Mizzou - who do not know my name. But, they know my friend Jody's name. The difference is performance. Jody's nickname was the Matrix because many of the guys weren't sure why he could score as many as he could on them. But, they knew his real name also. Antonio, Junior, Brooks, Shackleford, Chuck, the other Chuck... Guys I played in pick up games with and against, league games with and against... some of them fought with some of my closer friends and we broke up the fights. The point is that respect is earned there. Humanity, to some degree, is fully dependent upon what you can (or cannot) do. I still love basketball, and I even understand this dynamic. But, it is hard and sad also.

In the Beatitudes Jesus is imagining a community, a humanity, and a world where humanity is simply based upon humanity. Where the world is ruled by a just order, where people assert justice and not their own selfish interests (which is a working definition of meekness). And Jesus says that the people who follow Him will begin to evidence these traits today. It is a scary and beautiful reality that the subversive, revolutionary Gospel of God dignifies us with such a role. To move into the world evidencing our inadequacy, our meekness, our willingness to mourn...

2009-06-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into renting a movie whose plot is sexual abuse by a Catholic priest but I was blown away by incredible acting and a thought provoking, well written story. I love when a movie effortlessly grabs my attention and won't let go for days afterward. As I've processed elements of the film, I have indeed been left to wrestle with what I suppose was the writers intent: doubt.

Faith is the antithesis of doubt, yet as a person of faith in Christ, doubt is a part of my life. The evidene of our world's fallen state bombards me every day as I watch the news and hear of conflict, poverty and injustice. I'm filled with overwhelming sorrow as I hear of a friend's illness, a teenager's suicide, a neighbor's job loss. I feel despondant when I wrestle with questions a movie like this raises, "how can a God who is loving allow a priest, a man supposedly of God, to abuse an innocent child and steal a precious part of him that he will never get back?"

I take comofort in knowing that I am not the first person of faith who has struggled with questions and doubt. God has given us a provocative example to study in the story of Job. Job was a faithful man of God, yet God allowed unbearable hardship and sorrow to enter his life. Here's a brief glimpse into his story:

²⁵Did not I [Job] weep for him whose day was hard?
Was not my soul grieved for the needy?
²⁶But when I hoped for good, evil came,
and when I waited for light,darkness came.
²⁷My inward parts are in turmoil and never still;

days of affliction come to meet me. - Job 30:25-27

In his story Job questions the Lord and God does not rebuke him for that. However, God does not give Job a direct answer to his questions. Rather the Lord returns with questions of his own to Job:

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
   Tell me, if you have understanding.
⁵Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
   Or who stretched the line upon it?
⁶On what were its bases sunk,
   or who laid its cornerstone,
⁷when the morning stars sang together
   and all the sons of God shouted for joy?" - Job 38:4-7

It is okay for me to question and doubt but it is not okay for me to expect to fully understand the ways of the Lord. My pride demands full disclosure as a right and a prerequisite to my complete trust, but that was never promised to me. Christ himself, who knows all things and understands all things still felt the human sting of being forsaken by the Lord as he hung on the cross. If it was okay for Christ to ask why God had forsaken him, I know it is okay for me to ask the Lord my tough questions full of doubt, as Job did, and as Sister Aloysius did at the end of the movie. In the example of Christ, I choose faith, in spite of my doubt.

-Natalie Wilson

Christian Artist vs. Christian in the Arts

2009-06-16T20:58:00.001-07:00

I grew up listening to Christian rock music. It was the heyday of the genre, with bands like Petra, Whiteheart, Geoff Moore, and Degarmo & Key making a whole generation of youth group teenagers feel that they could be Christians and still be, at least a teeny bit, cool. It was the age of very hard lines between the sacred and the secular. Secular rock music was Evil, while "Christian" rock was all right (as long as it wasn't too rocky and the singers didn't have hair past their collars). Thus, I grew up with a very strict definition of what it meant to be a Christian in the arts. It meant 1) that everything you created had to have the word "Jesus" in it somewhere, and 2) that there was absolutely no confusion about the fact that you were a Christian artist. It had to be stamped on everything you did.It wasn't a description of who you were; it was a category, a demographic, a genre.

As a young adult, I began to wonder about this distinction. I thought about bands like the Grateful Dead. Nobody thought of them as "Hindu Rock", even though their music was obviously very influenced by things like eastern mysticism. Nobody called Slayer "Satanist Heavy Metal" (maybe because their purported Satanism was about as genuine as a thirteen dollar bill, but still). I realized that, in the "secular" world, people just created stuff, and the stuff they created was more often than not reflective of their beliefs and worldviews. It was only the Christians who had created this "us and them" exclusivity. And what was the result? It allowed the people who probably most needed to hear the Christian message to conveniently tune it out. And I started thinking: whatever happened to being gentle as doves but wise as serpents? How is it wise to effectively assure that the world can easily ignore our message?

I am a Christian and an artist. But-and I hope this doesn't make too many people mad-I am not a Christian artist. I'll admit, in all honesty, that I don't actively try to squeeze God into my art. In fact, on first glance, very little of my art has anything to do with any blatant expression of the gospel. On the other hand, ALL of my art is influenced by the pervasive reality of God in my life. All of my art reflects that,albeit in subtle, even sneaky ways. I am a believer in breaking some of the obvious laws of Christian art ("no smokin', no drinkin', no sex, no rock n' roll") in order to lay a more effective groundwork for the deeper, far more meaningful truths of what it means to have a relationship with the living God. I love the idea that Jesus was the sort of guy who hung out with the dregs, who abhorred following rules for rules' sake. I don't think, when he spoke, that he told everybody he was a "Christian lecturer" (and not just because the word "Christian" hadn't been invented yet, smarty-pants). I think he approached them as a guy who had an awesome true story to tell people. To me, that's what being a Christian and an artist is all about. It isn't just finding ways to cram the gospel into everything-it's about letting the gospel color every aspect of our existence, hinting and suggesting, showing how the security and joy and hope of knowing God effects every facet of our lives.

In short, maybe people will seek God most by seeing his overall shape in the body of our "collected works", regardless of what our medium is, even if it's just the canvas of our day-to-day lives. Maybe forcing them to look at a big neon Jesus sign, instead of the subtle but pervasive imprint that the real Jesus leaves on our lives, will only blind them and turn them away. Maybe. But what do I know? I grew up listening to Christian rock music.

- George Lippert

Expectations

2009-06-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

I so struggle with expectations. As a mother, a wife, a friend and a human being, it is impossible not to.

I have very high expectations of myself. I can let expectations dictate my life. I worry if I am doing enough with my boys. I question my motives as to how I mother them and they cause me to pass unfair judgements on my day. I have what I think are reasonable expectations for my day; including, but not limited to: Getting up earlier than the kids. Spending some quality time with God. Planning the perfect projects for my kids. Working on a creative project of my own. Spending quality time with each of my three boys each day. Keeping the house in a perpetual sense of order. Serving three square meals with impeccable detail to nutrition. The list goes on.

Without a doubt, I fail.

What's unfortunate is, I find it next to impossible to watch TV, surf the internet, read a magazine, or chat on the phone, without having new expectations thrust upon me, and old ones reinforced.

There are those that come from society: You must stay at home with your kids. You must be an amazing multi-tasker. You must lose your baby weight quickly. Your kids reflect your works, they must be clean, well-behaved, and hit every milestone at the correct time.

Those that come from family: You must achieve, or surpass, the level of supermom your mom obtained (or you perceived her to have), or, conversely, you strive to avoid her example at all possible costs. You must sit and ponder the expectations family members pass on to you.

And those that come from friends: You must always personify the expectations you think your friends have of you.

And it's not that any of the sources are purposely trying to drive me insane, at least not individually, but they are there, they are ever-present, and I let them scratch and claw their way in on a regular basis.

The problem with holding so firmly to the expectations I have for myself are two-fold. First is guilt. When I do not live up to these self-imposed expectations, I feel guilty. All of the could-haves and should-haves hold me captive with guilt. It is such a powerful tool the enemy can use to keep me down. However, this is not how it was meant to be. Christ came so that I may have life, and have it to the fullest (John 10:10). So, then, how does guilt fit in to that picture? It doesn't. God didn't invent "mom-guilt".

Second is losing site of God and His expectations of me when I keep my eyes fixed on the expectations of everyone else and those I've created for myself. This is not a pretty place for me to dwell. So what does God expect of me as a mother/parent? 1 Corinthians 1:30-31 says, "It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God–that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.'"

So, all the expectation He has for me, it is not my deeds, nor my own expectations, or those of others, but Christ in me. Christ alone makes me acceptable. All I have to do is live in His acceptance of me. I need to focus my eyes on Him and not on the expectations of others. To try and be the hands and feet of Christ to my boys. He wants my actions and words to reflect those of Him alone.

When put that way, it seems simpler. Yeah, there are many days that I am hardly a picture of Christ to our boys, but I have to say, it is more of a relief to live in His acceptance than to put on my SuperMom cape with all it's expectations.

– jill

The Return

2009-06-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. Sorry for the breif haitus, but we are back. For starters, if you haven't heard it yet, check out Zack's sermon "Blessed are those who mourn." I found it powerful, moving, and feel completely unqualified to add any other comments about it in written form. As our President would say, it is above my pay grade.

Now for something that isn't.

I have found my favorite record in a very long time. I generally don't like ranking things but music is an exception to that policy for me. It isn't often that an album comes out that could surpass one of the albums on my list of ten I would take with me on my proverbial desert island with an audiophile quality sound system, electricity, food, fresh water, television/dvd player (make that blu-ray) and a copy of The Big Lebowski. Without further adou is it Veckatimest by Grizzly Bear. Enjoy this clip, but more importantly GET THE RECORD - at least if you like the song.

Here are some reviews if you don't want to take my word for it.

We will be back tomorrow (Tuesday) with regular posts. Happy Music Monday.

Back Up Soon

2009-06-11T08:57:00.001-07:00

Last person on the bandwagon

2009-06-08T13:52:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite aspects of music is the shear amount of content out there. So much music, so little time. The other day I was included in an e-mail chain that involved several people being very excited that Josh Ritter is coming to town this summer. I suppose I have been under a folk music rock for the past few years because this was the first I had ever heard of the man. This youtube clip is the first thing I found from him via the google. I think it is fantastic so I want share it with you.

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. If you did he will be at Off Broadway on July 28th. Unfortunately I will be in Jefferson City taking the bar exam - boo.

WJFB???

2009-06-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

An interesting thought crossed my mind the other day. What would Jesus' Facebook page look like? One would think that the great communicator that he was/is would be tapping into all of the available options to get his message to the masses. Facebook would seem to be an obvious choice for our God to communicate with his people. How many friends would Jesus have? Would there be people that wouldn't respond to his friend request? What about God's status updates? Do you think that he would be the person that updated ten or twenty times a day or once a week? I would imagine seeing things like... Surprised by the lack of attention to the genocide in Dafur, wishing I could answer some more prayers, or being omniscience makes for a hungry omnivore. How about the Causes ap? Who would be the organization that Jesus would call on the support for? Who would he be a fan of? Hopefully, he would be a Cardinals fan. Would Jesus' Facebook page have a lot of photos? Photos often depict the beauty in the world, and he certainly has a lot of beautiful things to show off. I would imagine that it would be a lot of sunsets and naturescapes. Do you think that God would interface Twitter and Facebook so that they would talk to each other? If he could post 140 words of wisdom each day wouldn't that feel great. Do you think that God could post a video of the big bang or some of the creation of the world? It would probably get a lot of hits. I would imagine that there would be some friends that Jesus would have to hide their posts, maybe too information or a reminder about how frustrating we sinners are. Our social media universe is one that has many people putting their toes in to check out whether it is for them or not, and thinking how doing social media in a respectful Christian way may mean reflecting on some of the questions above because if we are to work to mirror our lives with the values and actions of Christ, then Facebook is another important place for us to check ourselves against our true intentions.

-Dr. Robert Dillon

Books and Parenting

2009-06-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

I have an addiction. I am addicted to books. I am not addicted to novels or biographies or anything that can help me relax or escape from my life for a little, I wish that I were. I am addicted to self-help books. If you were to look at my bookshelves, you would probably get a good laugh at the various titles, most of them only half-read if even read at all.

When I became a parent, the addiction was easily fed. There are thousands of books on parenting and I was sure I needed to read them all. A moment came, when Grayson was in his second month of intense colic, that I realized my insane expectation of learning and knowing everything in those books. Grayson came out of the womb screaming and he didn’t stop for 3 1/2 months. In my mind, I could fix it. If I tried the right technique, ate the right foods, prayed the right way surely he would stop. The moment of turning back from my craziness came the day I went to the library to pick up the books I had requested. I tried to walk out of the library with Tyler at my side, the baby carrier in one hand and at least 8 large books in the other. The vision of all those books stacked on the counter was one I’ll never forget. How was I going to carry all those books out much less read them, and why? What was I really trying to accomplish?

Well, it’s been two years since then and God has revealed so much of what I really was trying to accomplish: control, appearance, success, significance, etc. Motherhood has rocked my world. It has revealed much of my sinful nature, it has brought out sides of me I didn’t know existed, and it has brought me to my knees in need of a Savior.

In future blogs I plan to talk more about what this journey has been and continues to be like for me. How God is revealing more of my need for him and how he is meeting me and my children in my weakness. The main theme has been this: God is God; I am not.

I never read all 8 of those books. It was a defining moment in my life when I put the first book down and rested in not knowing how to help my child, not knowing how to be the best mother, not knowing all the answers. I still struggle to gain control every day. Every day I fight the thoughts that tell me I’m failing as a mother. Every day I have to choose to believe that God is God over my children and that he will cover all my humanness and sin…and sometimes I can read a good book now with perspective.

-Kim Janous

Why I still Love Lost

2009-06-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

So we’ve just ended the fifth season of the masterfully created, JJ Abrahms conceived, ABC hit drama “Lost” and with one more season left, I continue to find myself drawn to the story and the characters that have made the show so great. If you haven’t watched the show, I don’t have enough words allowed in this posting to go into detail on the shows’ plot, characters or episodes. If you are the least bit curious, I’d simply recommend renting the series from the very first episode and see if you want to stay along for the ride. If you don’t like the show, good for you. I’m sure a nice Hallmark original or Lifetime movie is just waiting for you to pick it up. Not that the show is necessarily for the faint of heart. You need to be ok with human drama, a bit of sci-fi, and ridiculous and sometimes ill-concieved plot twists. But rest assured, it’s worth it. Enough of the setup…

We are all flawed …

For those of you who know and have watched the show. You know that, unlike traditional literature of old, “Lost” breaks the mold a bit. The characters (much like in X-Men comics for instance) are all flawed. They’re all flawed so much that by the end of this season, the lines are so blurred, you are not sure who the protagonist and the antagonists are anymore. I guess I like that because it’s a nice dose of real life. While we all envision ourselves on one side of the line or the other, I think the Gospel more clearly helps us understand that we spend our days being both the hero and the villain minute by minute. What helps us separate the good guys from the bad guys eventually is that (similar to the Gospel), the characters who end up the heros, are those who have found ways to accept their limitations, to acknowledge their mistakes (not necessarily always with words) and to are typically focused on thinking about the welfare of the others in their care often above their own needs or desires.

Our story reveals a deeper insight to our character…

The characters in Lost are each introduced to us in the early seasons by back-stories of their life before the plane crash (oops.. sorry for the spoiler.. yes.. alright.. so it’s about a plane crash). The show allows us to create some ideas, many of them – false conceptions as we learn about what made them the way they are. I remember how much I hated “Sawyers’ character on the show early on, because of his arrogance and selfishness, but once we learn about the “how” he became who he was and the bigger picture, it allowed me to empathize with his agony over the wounds that helped to mold those traits in him. How often do I make quick judgements about people in the store, on the street, in my church, at my work or even in my own family where I’ve failed to take the time to understand their circumstances? Jesus loved to demonstrate how to love the unloveable. He took time to speak with the woman at the well and to know her, and he loved her despite her sin, because he understood what was behind the shame. I don’t know about you, but I want to know that kind of compassion and empathy.

We need Absolute Direction…

The main tactical issue that the “Lost” survivors face is that their physical absolute direction is broken. Literally the magnetic energy from the island’s core makes compasses fail to work. In parallel we see the principal characters each driven by a sense of their own idea of what the right way, or what their purpose is. The reality is, they are all so confused and try as they may to rectify their circumstances, (because they can’t agree on a physical, emotional or even geographical direction) they have remained “Lost” for more than 5 seasons. What does that say about our own hearts? What does that say about our own tolerance of western relativistic dogma that “What’s right for you, might not be right for me?” We need a compass that works. Something that we can all clearly agree is pointing in the right direction. Sorry to cram the metaphor down your throat, but you get my point.

Though I’m a Christian, I’m still a deeply flawed, overly judgmental and often day by day directionless and a forgetful “survivor”. But… fortunately I do have a compass that works. Do I look at it often? Do I trust that even though there’s a gigantic chasm between where I am and where it’s pointing to, that it’s still going to lead me home? Not always. But ironically the more I rely on it, the closer I get to where I need to be.

PS – For those of you who I confused on the whole “Compass” analogy. The “Compass” = Jesus/ the Bible / the Holy Spirit… alright. Sheesh!

Josh Hogan

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